Just playing around

A lot of playing around today - some of it not scrapping and some was. Having a little fun teasing someone this morning. LOL now you know what it's like to be watched!

This afternoon I tackled Jewls challenge to create a baby card. I don't recall knowing anyone who is due except for maybe one person who's daughter is due next month, and sadly I can't remember if she is expecting a boy or a girl. If it's a girl I guess I can send this card....






The Cyber Crop was a bit of fun. I managed to win a Bingo game - shortly afterward the internet connection decided to play up leaving me stranded mid conversation, but only after a lot of laughs. I have no doubt next weekend is going to be a really fun time in Brisbane with the girls. Even though I haven't met any of them yet, I feel so calm and relaxed especially about meeting a few of them - it's a bit like having known them for years and just catching up for a coffee. Which reminds me - I really should empty all the photos off the camera memory card - just to make sure there is plenty of room.

Repeating patterns

Do you ever find yourself repeating patterns in your life? It makes me wonder how hard the lesson has to be before you actually learn what you are being taught at times.

Tonight I was reminded of something I learned, of all things, from Darren. I remember after a particularly disappointing incident involving a dog show, his comment - and I quote - "You are too nice to people. They know they can do the wrong thing by you and you will still speak to them the next day. You need to tell them to get fucked once in a while. Maybe then they won't be so quick to choose you to be the one they dump." unquote.

That was probably about 10 years ago. Did I learn from it? I don't know. I remember it. I know now 10 years later that those words are so true. I am reminded also of the words of the lovely Dr Phil - who wisely says we teach people how to treat us. I certainly do get a little tired of being the one people dump on. I guess I've had a mixed day - one where I got a little of my own back - not that it gave me one ounce of satisfaction but I thought at the time - to hell with it - you've been giving me grief for weeks - here - take possession of the mirror and have a look at yourself for a moment.... And the other was a "fuck you I've had a bad day and I want you to feel bad for a moment as well" minute. OK well I felt bad. Happy now? And one wonders why I wrote these lyrics last year?????? Seems it wasn't ONLY appropriate for my young troubled friend afterall.



OK well enough venting. 8 Sleeps until my wonderful weekend away. I am so looking forward to it. I can't wait to get up there and you know I'm going to be never wanting the weekend to end!

The not so BIG secret...

Well the big secret that did actually manage to be kept for some 8 weeks or more is finally out. After quietly making some discreet enquiries with some of the girls at Scrap Pile to go to Brisbane in June, managing to book my tickets a few weeks later, and making arrangements for accommodation and to meet up with some of the lovely ladies - the secret is out and the surprise for Mel's Birthday is kind of no surprise any more. Never mind. Actually I feel kind of bad for ducking and dodging all her questions about whether the Mystery Guest was actually me for so long anyway that in some respects it's a good thing to have it out of the way. Although I must admit - some warped part of my sense of humour was looking forward to the scream and hurling of abuse for denying when the knock at the door of the apartment revealed both Melanie AND I..... But hey - there will still be screams and hugs in abundance for the day I am sure.

And so it's now just 8 days and I will be in Brisbane with some of my favourite people in the world. Aside from the excitement of meeting them all, I am just looking forward to the change of scenery, the break, and of course checking out the Scrapbooking Convention and all the products for sale there. I don't plan to spend a fortune, but I am looking forward to seeing what interesting products are there and of course buying a few bits and pieces to add to my collection. But the most exciting thing about the trip will be just getting to know these lovely ladies better after many months of talking via the internet. I have no doubt we will have many stories to tell on our return.

It's been a challenging week so far, although one that gives me more and more encouragement and insight as to where the future lies. When I think about events of the past, what I've learned both about myself and the people around me, and what's important to me, I see more clearly than ever what it is I want for my future. It comes with fears & concerns, but also with hope and anticipation and a clarity I've never had in the past.

Another visit to the dentist coming up next week - and while I can't say I'm looking forward to the actual event - I am however looking forward to the work being completed. How incredibly fortunate I am to have the wonderful people I do in my life right now. Who would have thought that would extend itself to include an amazing dentist who is not only a lovely man but who is helping me to improve my appearance and my health, and to the equally amazing man who is footing the bill for this. Life truly does work in mysterious ways at times. And as much as my dear friend and I have this conversation on many occasions - I don't believe all in life is random - there is too much co-ordination in this particular phase of my life to believe it all came together by chance!

Have changed the music again - this time to another Chillout track called "Carni". Loving these smooth tunes at the moment and trying to get the artwork to come together to produce a double Chillout CD..... Hopefully I'll find some time to get that completed over the weekend as well.

OH and before I forget - all you scrappers out there - a Cyber Crop at Scrap Pile this Friday night! Lots of great games, challenges and prizes I am sure. Join Us. Well join whoever is online. Not sure what time I will be getting home and online. Just hope I can stay awake for it! LOL

Another week goes by

I can scarcely believe we are almost into June - Winter what's more - Where has the year gone? Time seems to fly past so quickly these days. I can't keep up! So much changes and yet so much stays the same.

This week I feel as though a great deal of progress has been made in some areas. I am enjoying the new job and it seems as though there is a good working relationship developing which is great. One of the biggest aims I am told is that work should be fun as well as being efficient. It certainly is revealing some fun aspects so with some effort to keep everything on track I hope it maintains it's present momentum. I'm loving as much as anything the diversity in the day, but also exploring the ways in which I can be more productive with the team effort that is required. Sometimes with long days in the vehicle, the concentration is difficult to maintain, but weigh that up with not being stuck in an office and I guess I can find a way to fix that.

There is also the excitement of looking for somewhere to rent so that I can cut down the travelling. We've been offered a house that sounds interesting but is a bit more expensive than we'd hoped. I guess time will tell what happens there. Lets see what the week brings and I'll fill you in on that situation.

I feel like I'm really dragging the chain when it comes to blogging but patience as they say is a virtue. I'm patient if nothing else.

The art of Smiling!

Well that's something that should be coming a lot more naturally in the not so distant future. Given I spent over an hour with my new adopted dentist today and have several more appointments scheduled with him over the next couple of months. I can't say dentists fall amongst my preferred group of people to spend time with but I guess if the end result is as promised and the rewards are as good as they sound, I won't regret it. 3 Root Canal fillings started today - now if that doesn't make you go OWWWWW and squint I don't know what will. But so far so good. It took a "bit" of courage to get me through the door - for those of you who know my history with dentists - hospital visits - subsequent hip replacements - you will of course sympathise. Those who don't - trust me - it took a hell of a lot of encouragement to get me through the door......

Aside from those old fears, there are one or two others which are circling again. Those Sharks with their teeth so sharp, just waiting...... I have faith my friend.... I have love.... I have so much to give. It waits..... Patience.......

Retail Therapy & Words of Wisdom

I had this discussion with Shane the other day - the whole concept of retail therapy and whether it really makes you feel better. I don't think there are too many of us out there who don't feel good about buying something nice for ourselves once in a while. I don't advocate shopping to make yourself feel better but I can understand (like the whole comfort food thing) how some people resort to whatever will cheer them up in times of being in a bad place.

The big problem with shopping to feel better is that you often end up spending money you couldn't afford to spend in the first place - so while the payoff in the short term makes you feel better - once you realise you no longer have that money to pay bills you usually end up back in the depressed mood yet again. Pointless.... Same thing with the comfort food thing. And a lot of time part of the problem with those who turn to comfort food is being overweight. Chicken and Egg stuff in a way but you can't eliminate one without eliminating the other. I don't get why people continue to do that to themselves. I'll admit I've been a bit indulgent in the self pity department at times throughout my life. But at some point in time you have to stand up and take responsibility for who you are, what you look like AND your own actions. In the immortal words of the "great" Dr. Phil - you can't change what you don't acknowledge.....

However shopping when you can afford it. Now there's a whole different ballgame. And that's what Lakeisha and I did yesterday - a bit of retail therapy (well a whole bunch actually since it lasted about 6 hours!) that works because neither of us had to feel guilty about spending the money. Now there's a turnaround. I am now sporting a very nice new pair of shoes (not quite what I had intended to buy but too cute and cheap to pass up!), a couple of new tops, a jumper, and a few other bits and pieces, together with a broad smile that comes with having new things.




Yeah well OK not everyone's cup of tea - but I love them!

Feeling a bit under the weather this weekend. Aside from the dismal weather and a cold that is trying it's hardest to get the better of me. That coupled with a rather nasty nose bleed in the wee hours of Saturday morning (CSI would have loved using my ensuite as a murder scene at that particular moment - blood was everywhere...). I think it's my body trying to get out of the dental work planned for tomorrow. It has no chance. I actually want to get this work done, be healthy, look and feel better, and get on with the rest of my life.

I feel so much more positive and enthusiastic about life in general. I see almost on a day to day basis that there are far more options than I have been allowing myself to consider. And I now have someone else in my life who is telling me I am not making the most of what I have to offer, that I'm not backing myself enough, and who clearly is prepared to back me and encourage me to be more than I imagine myself. I keep thinking about something Frank used to say when we did radio together, along the lines of surrounding yourself with positive, motivated people and it can't help but rub off. And in the same vein, my new boss who's eloquence is perhaps not quite on the same level, but who's saying "You sleep with dogs, you wake up with fleas" kind of brings with it a similar message from the other perspective.

I love my dogs, but I hate the smell of flea rinse.......

Another Acceptance

I was pretty excited tonight to discover that Scrapbooking Memories has accepted another one of my layouts for publication. You can't imagine how disappointed I was to get an email from Joanna saying how they (and I quote) Really Really Really loved the layout but had some concerns about the photo. The photo was taken with my mobile phone camera and granted in the scan it doesn't look quite as good as it does in the flesh. However as I caught up with my emails tonight, I see that Joanna has emailed to say it's been accepted for publication which is just absolutely FAN-BLOODY-TASTIC news. The layout is.....

A dentist visit today has me just thrilled...... After identifying a zillion things that need attention, not that it wasn't expected. Just another fear to conquer I guess. If I could begin to explain the problems that dentists have created in my life....... but then that's so much past history and nothing a hip replacement didn't fix. Ahhh its a long story and I'm not sure I have the strength right now. The drill fires up on Monday - give it a month or two (commencing with not one but THREE root canals..... ewwwwwwwwwwww) and it will be a new me!

Happy Monday

Things are going really well with the new job I am happy to say. There is a combination of a sense of acheiving something coupled with a bit of fun and a fair amount of respect. A pretty nice combination I think. I actually felt today that I was making a contribution and on target with some of the things we were trying to achieve. Maybe it's taken this long to get a feel for everything. But whatever it was, it was a nice feeling and I am proud to be working alongside someone I respect.

I was also really impressed with a CD I brought home this evening - some new music Shane created this weekend - one particular track I really like - you can download it here and since I don't have a name for it I've nicknamed it Track 1 Soundtrack

A few interesting plans in the wings at the moment. It will be interesting to see how it all pans out. Hopefully most of it will just simply make life easier all round. That age old saying though - time will tell............................

A bit of grief last night to receive a call from my dear friend Wendy from her hospital bed no less. I am relieved though darling that you are ok and that man of yours had better take REALLY GOOD CARE of you when you get home - or he'll have me to answer to...... Ricky!!!!!!! LOL

Only 3 more days until I can share with you life's most embarrassing moment so far..... stay tuned.

Finally!!!

It's been a few weeks but finally I have had the inspiration to scrap something. This one for Deb's March Colour Challenge on Scrap Pile. The challenge was to scrap 2 photos and use the colour purple. So here it is.... entitled "Face It".



Bed calls.....

Keeping promises

Don't you wish people wouldn't make promises they don't intend to keep..... You look forward to something all day, and it never comes. I sometimes slap myself after the fact for anticipating it will actually happen. I should know better and have more sense by now.

The pancakes were great though - so I guess some people do keep promises, This is a good thing!

Oh and.....

I've changed music again. Feeling a little "classical" this morning......

Amazing

A discussion on the Scrap Pile Forum last night and this morning lead me to thinking about this thing we all take so for granted these days - I'm talking about the internet. There is a very nice lady on our forum who is in the process of arranging to move from the UK to Australia. She was lucky to stumble across Scrap Pile in her search for scrapbooking sites in Australia and had asked a few questions about her intended destination. Interestingly a short while later another young lady, from the very township she is moving to, joined the forum and now has been able to give her some valuable information about the town and even invite her to a scrapbooking group of ladies who meet on a regular basis.

It got me to thinking about the impact the internet has had on the world as a whole. I'm sure I can't imagine all the ways in which it has impacted, but thinking about this particular lady's situation, pre-internet she would have come here knowing no-one, had to find out a lot of the information she has now been given, after her arrival, and I can't imagine how daunting it would have been to uproot your family and move to a new country knowing NO-ONE. Not that we all really KNOW one another, but there is at least a sense of friendship and acceptance and knowing you have something in common with someone - at least it's a start towards something to build on.

Technology is an amazing thing really.

But I also got to thinking about how things in life just seem to fall in place. What are the chances with the hundreds of websites out there dedicated to scrapbooking in Australia that these two ladies should happen to join the same website. Given the township in question only has a population of less than 10,000. If it were Melbourne or Sydney - not so remarkable. But in the grand scheme of things, 10,000 people - how many scrapbookers would that be I wonder?

I often wonder about the concept of fate and whether things that happen are predestined or just random co-incidence. I've never been big on the idea of co-incidence. I've always believed that things happen for a reason, even if you can't see the reason at the time. But I have too many times had things happen that I just couldn't understand, but that some time down the track I have had an "ahh haaa" moment that leaves me in awe. Perhaps that is just a reflection of my personality - I don't know. But for my own preference I'd like to think that each of us have a purpose for being here in the grand scheme of things rather than just being random beings wandering through life with no real purpose other than getting to the other side as it were.

This thinking also lead me to wondering about the competition of last week as well. Why Me I wondered? Out of all the people who were entered to take part in it - why was I one of two selected? And why those particular challenges to partake? Especially the singing part which I haven't done publicly in so many years. I keep wondering if there is a message in it or if it's just one of those things you were meant to take part in for the experience. I know some of the benefits I have got from it already. Both in my own eyes and also in the eyes of those people important to me. It was incredible from the point of view of me realising I have the confidence to do such things, but it was also incredible to look into the eyes of the two people I love most and see how proud they were of me for doing it. Is that it? Is that the reward for the participation? Or is there a message there somewhere to say I'm not following the path I was supposed to?

As always I guess time will tell.........

Happy Mothers Day to all the mums out there. I was promised pancakes today - I was thinking breakfast but given someone was up pretty late last night on the computer - I'm thinking now it's likely pancakes will be for lunch instead.....

The grand finale

Ahh well it's all over and unfortunately "the other side" managed to rustle up more SMS messages than we did so there's no trip to Melbourne for me. At first I guess I was a tad disappointed but it didn't last very long because I realised I got so much out of the week in terms of my participation. I realised I have some incredibly supportive friends and a gorgeous daughter who loves me very much. I realised also yet again that what you can achieve in life is only limited by your imagination and determination. What's important is giving it a go and it comes back to that very relevant phrase that life is about the journey NOT the destination.

Peter phoned me to thank me for my efforts in the competition. He said that he and Kathy (manager) had spent over 2 hours counting the votes and they had received in excess of 500 which was a huge response to a competition like that for them. Evidently I'm getting a box of chocolates and some flowers compliments of Mixx FM so that was a nice thought. I'm looking forward to getting the CD though so I can hear all the bits I missed. I actually never heard any of the promos he made. We were talking the other day on the phone about the promos and I did say at the time that is probably one of the things I miss most about radio - mucking around creating stuff like that was a lot of fun.

So there was a bit to celebrate last night in actual fact with Shane's probationary period up at his new job. To his relief and absolutely no surprise to me - they of course love him long time! and his position is secure. For all the motivation and encouragement he throws my way, it's kind of funny in a way to see him have such a lack of confidence in himself. Funny but sad. He is so much more than he has been allowed to think he is. It may come as a shock to some and even to himself how far he will go - but I suspect this is just the scraping of the surface and we'll see some fairly incredible growth in the future.

Off to set the weekend in motion.....

In Anticipation

Well it's been an interesting week..... I've had to sing on radio, tell jokes, chat and read a poem. Tomorrow at around 8:30 I'll know if it's paid off or not. Fingers crossed one or two people actually voted for me. How cool would it be to win a weekend in Melbourne!!!!! Anyway honestly - win or lose - it's been such a hoot and I am actually proud of the fact that I gave it my best shot - stepped out of my comfort zone and gave it a go.

Peter Deppeler rules - honestly Pete you've been a legend in keeping the spirits up and making this competition a whole bunch of fun. I actually really enjoy listening to the radio show. It's just a pity Colac's Mixx FM doesn't quite make it to Geelong otherwise I would have the bosses radio tuned in. Pete has kindly offered to save me a CD of all the segments and promos so with any luck I will post some of the files to this blog over the next week..... If you happen to drop by here before 8:30 a.m. tomorrow morning and have a mobile phone - I would be pretty excited if you could send an SMS as per the next blog posting to support the cause.

What the result will be I would hate to predict. I would love the weekend away but hey - at the end of the day I'm stoked to have had the opportunity to have a bit of fun this week. And Shane - I hope you know none of this would have been possible without your support and your encouragement. As always - you give me the wings to fly.

As they say - stay tuned.....

YOUR VOTE COUNTS

Please help and sms your vote in Colac's Mixx FM's "My Mums Got Talent" competition for mothers day. Send a message "TALENT - MUM #1" to 19931000

The big week

Well the first week of the new job is done and I have to say it's been a really interesting experience. On so many levels it's just exactly what I had anticipated. Although on so many levels it's just so NOT what I had anticipated. That said - nothing bad. The things I hadn't anticipated have been good things and while I don't expect it to be a walk in the park, I do know that I have respected this man for many years and it's reassuring to find him exactly as I remember him from all those years ago when we worked together back then. And I walked away tonight so overwhelmed by the opportunities ahead of me, I am just so grateful for the chance to work with him and so determined to ensure his faith in me is justified.

I feel as though I have the opportunity before me to make such lasting changes in my life, professionally, personally, that I will walk away from this a different person - and be ever grateful for the insight.