Thursday, August 28, 2008

Many firsts.

It's been a week of many firsts but not in the sense of any races or prizes won. First steps, first experiences, those kinds of firsts. The kind of firsts that rate higher than any ribbon I may have won at a thousand dog shows past - including those Best in Show ones. These are to me now more relevant and more rewarding. Believe it or not.

Some of the steps have been giant leaps of faith while others have been the tedious, small, baby steps of exploration and uncertainty. But each and every one of them pave the way to a bigger and better future. Of that I have absolutely no doubt and an absolute faith.

But above all else there is a sense of trust and integrity, closeness and bonding, and of comfort, but with a freedom I'm guessing neither of us have had the fortune to experience in our past lives. The freedom to be who and what we are without expectation, judgement or ridicule. And I sense that with each hurdle we cross - all of that continues to grow.

It has been interesting to watch the varying degrees of support from the people I have called my friends throughout this entire past 18 months. Even through the really rough times, I have never lost the sense I had about this man I came to love. And while I can understand, in their concern for my wellbeing and happiness, or whatever their motives were, the negative reactions of some, I couldn't help but reflect on some of the less supportive so called friends who have since left my life. I have been called so many things by some people. In the end, I have to say the most important thing in life is to follow your heart and your dreams. And no matter how many times people tell you what a fool you are - if you have no dreams or you don't follow where your heart leads, then you truly are the fool. Having the faith life will deliver you where you are meant to be, makes all the world of difference. Let that be a lesson to you where ever you are in your life. And thank you to those I still call my friend, for being truly what the essence of a friend is - just to be there and to care.

I haven't had the urge to scrapbook anything of relevance these past weeks, but I know the pages I must create and hope to make a start on them soon.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Looking to the future...

First off I can't believe 2 weeks have gone by without a single blog. But then knowing how the 2 weeks have been intimately, I can easily see why. It wasn't only the lack of blogging I noticed. It was the inability to breathe, the fear of moving and an incredibly overwhelming sense of fate stepping in, taking the reigns and glancing back at me as if to say stand back and let the future be as it should be.

And so I did.

And so it is.

As I sit here and listen to a CD of those beautiful chillout tunes, I am also tearful and so overwhelmed by a mix of joy and sadness and relief and excitement. I know that in my lifetime there has been but one other day that has brought with it such emotional depth that I am truly lost for words and that day was 17 years ago.

To have the love of this beautiful man, all these months, has been one thing, but to have the committment for the rest of our lives is something I will cherish and treasure until the day I die.

I will never under-estimate or take for granted this incredible gift that has been bestowed upon me today. For you truly are the most precious gift. I have never doubted your love. And despite those difficult times we have experienced (perhaps in spite of them or even because of them) I know without any shadow of doubt what our future holds.

And so with that behind me, I have to say I am also most proud of Lakeisha who looked stunning for her Year 12 Ball held on Friday night. There will no doubt be more photos to come, but here is one I took while they were waiting for the Limo to arrive to pick them up..

While in an effort to suppress the stress - I'm afraid I've become just a little... well ok just a LOT.... addicted to Facebook and in particular the YoVille application. At least I'm not in the minority and there are at least some really nice, fun people we've met on there who have become friends, especially Jodie & Wayne who seem like a whole bunch of fun and who I would love to meet in real life. Part of the attraction for me has been the creation of the rooms in the apartment... and so here is SOAS and her creations of obsession....

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Voices from the past.

For so long now I have been thinking about a few of the people I have lost contact with who really meant a lot to me and so today I decided I would phone a couple of them. First was the lovely BK who used to live in Hamilton, a very ex-friend of Murray's. I was a bit worried when his home number came up as no longer connected, but that familiar voice popped up when I phoned his mobile. I was so happy to hear he and his lovely partner Jean had finally made the move to make their union official enough to live together. He's such a lovely, generous and caring man who deserves very much to be happy. It was great to talk with him and also know that the cheeky Macca is back in Victoria after a year working in Queensland. I said to say Hi. Those two and their antics make me smile remembering time spent with them in the past.

The others who I was so happy to chat with were Trish & Rupert. Trish is one of the most beautiful women it has been my pleasure to call my friend and Rupert, well, Rupert is a very intelligent, funny, dry, witty, and intriguing character who as I spoke with Trish about how they were, I realised how much Rupert actually reminded me of another intelligent, funny, dry, witty and intriguing character in my life. It would be interesting to put the two of them together and see what we came up with. Although they are somewhat older than I am, there is such a connection between especially Trish and I, it was as though we had never been out of contact. I guess that's the true test of friendship really. As lives get busy and keeping in contact loses it's grip - those who are truly friends understand and forgive you for it - well actually no - those who are truly friends don't believe there is anything to forgive - you are back and that's all that matters. We've resolved to make time for dinner in Melbourne one night at the very least to begin with and then hopefully catch up when their schedule lightens off somewhat. I'm pleased to hear that Rupert's business ventures are poised on the edge of taking off and the plan sounds like it will make an enormous impact, both on the development of Biofuel and also on their lives.

It seems as though I actually have a social calendar these days... Next weekend is the "Wise Gents" new CD launch, thanks Adam for the invite! The week after is Lakeisha's school ball. The following week is the local Battle of the Bands for which yours truly has been asked to be one of the judges. Should be interesting. Given "Wise Gents" Adam is also one of the judges, it will no doubt prove to be an entertaining night even if none of the bands show up! LOL. He's a special one that Adam..... I could embarrass him by saying I've known him since he was just a wee lad.... but I won't. I headed to myspace early this morning to listen to the headline band "Mammal". Hmmm, I'll reserve my judgement for the live performance on the night after the battle is over.

In the meantime - I'm still in that happy place called yesterday, and while I'm not really one for wishing time away, this week cannot go quickly enough for me..... Wash your face indeed... Wash your hands baby - wash your hands.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Stormy weather.

Finally it's Friday night and I have to say today was a welcome change of pace from an otherwise stressful and tiring week. Some sad news from the death of a friend's mother, to an end result that I had hoped upon hope would not eventuate. But in the mix of the week that was, was good news of health and well being, and a couple of Birthday celebrations thrown in to for good measure. So today was a true breath of fresh air where I actually felt as though I was in a happy place. I wish the same were true for a couple of the people I love in my life. Dealing with the realities of life is so often such a painful experience. So many things are beyond our control, the death of family members, friends, loved ones just for one example. But so much of the things we experience in our lives are as a direct result of the decisions we make for ourselves at the time. I guess we are all trying to make the best decisions we can for the rest of our lives.

You never know what is around the corner. If anything, over this past year or two I've learned, it's that one fact. You just never know. Life is such a precious thing. You better be making the best you can of what you have, because you never know when things will change. A bad decision, passing up the opportunity of a lifetime, making the most of each and every day, could all be the last chance you get to make the best of your life. Sometimes it's inexperience, sometimes it's fear - but whatever it is, you need to think clearly about what you want from your life and follow your heart. I know a few people right about now who are looking at their past and wondering what the hell went wrong. Given you can't change the past, all that is important is what you do with the future. As a friend, all you can do is just be there for the support when it's needed..... And I'm there.....

Thursday, August 07, 2008

MR Originals

Some time back on another site (in another lifetime) we got creative and designed our own patterned paper for a challenge. At the time when it was first brought up I must admit it seemed a little daunting, but once you got your head around the idea it wasn't really that difficult afterall. Each to their own with regard to taste and funny enough I'm still waiting for the paper that was supposed to be made for me... lol. But anyway when the girls at Scrap Pile were looking for something different for a challenge, I suggested this one.

I've finally come up with my creations, although I'm not thrilled with the scans so far... but hopefully Leah who will be the recipient of these will be able to do something with them to complete the challenge.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

The morning after.

It was a very pleasant night last night with Paul & Linden joining me for dinner and some down time for all concerned. It was just nice to sit and talk and actually really good to cook a meal for friends for a change. Hopefully there will be a lot more of that in the future for all of us. I was carried away for several hours just listening to Paul play guitar and sing. "Nice" isn't really a word I use all that often in serious conversation, but this was just Nice. Parting was a little emotional but whatever the future holds for him I know he will be OK. He's an incredible young man of whom I am proud to call my friend.

And so today for me started somewhat early, waking around 4:00 a.m. and unable to go back to sleep, thinking (as one does) about everything that seems to be going on around me at the moment. I got up and started on Mel's Circle Journal with all good intentions of going back to bed to get more sleep. However as it turned out by the time the sun rose I was just putting the finishing touches to the pages, so there went any likelihood of me going back to sleep. So here are the photos.

The germs still linger but at least the experience of the raw sore throat first thing in the morning has abandoned me. Can't say I miss that one. Now just the heavy head, sore eyes, sneezing, coughing and blocked ears and nose to get rid of.......

Friday, August 01, 2008

Death warmed up...

It's a funny saying really but I think today I epitomise it. After waking up the past few mornings with a rather nasty sore throat, today is the day where everything is falling apart. Head cold, sneezing, aches and pains, blocked ears, sore eyes.... yeah you know how it feels. Want nothing more than to crawl back into bed and just die quietly in peace. To add insult to injury the fire went out last night and it's not exactly warm this morning.... But no doubt I'll survive. Will make a concentrated effort to drink lots of fluids (preferably non alcoholic..... :-) ) and perhaps a little scrapbooking might be relaxing.

I received Mel's Circle Journal in the mail this week and it's absolutely gorgeous. Given she wants to keep a similar colour theme happening, I found the perfect papers. Actually they are so pretty I will have to order some more for myself, but given I still haven't spent my birthday gift vouchers, that won't be a problem. I'm looking forward to seeing the other journals as they come through as well. They will certainly all be very cherished items to add to our collections in the end.

Chatting with a new friend on Facebook today before he headed off to get ready for work and the comment came up that all good things come to those who wait. Knowing some history as he does, it was rather nice to have a positive reaction to where life is presently taking me. It's true what they say about Friendships - they do come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. The events of recent months have been evidence of that, and the fact that I can look back at that time regardless of the unpleasant things and still view it all as a very positive impact tells me things are going where they are meant to and it will all be OK.

P.S..... Given this weekend involves the beginning of some monumental changes in people's lives, I thought it appropriate to make a new selection from the music archives. Please yourself whether you call it "When She's Not With Me" or "When He's Not With Me". Either way the emotions and the sentiments are the same......