The Certainty of Thinking at Night
Tonight though I sit in disbelief at insensitivity and stupidity. Some recent "events" just seem to have confirmed suspicions and cemented life's paths. And I can't help but think that if ever I get to be this out of touch with life, someone should give me a swift kick where it will take the most effect and wake me up before I befall the same fate.
If there is one thing I have always tried to instill in Lakeisha - it's to be responsible for your own actions. That whole cause and effect thing. I hate that the world we live in these days encourages the whole "victim" status. Everything that happens seems to be someone else's fault. But in "Maree World" it's always been a pretty different story. I believe we should all be responsible for our own actions. God knows over the years I've made enough mistakes in my own life. I HOPE I've learned something from them - most of them at least. I don't try to blame the results on anyone else. I'm happy to accept that I've stuffed up.
With that bit of background information I guess you can understand a little about why I find it difficult to accept when someone refuses to look within for the situation they find themselves in. Seeking only to blame others for where they are at with their own lives. Casting blame, firing innuendos and passing snide remarks serves little purpose than to teach the world just how petty you are and I think generally serves to alienate more people than it endears.
And so this is our lot for the week, thanks to a rather bitter and twisted individual who despite claiming she has changed for the better, continues to push the same buttons, pull the same strings and play the same old tune she always has. Thankfully it's being seen in all avenues for what it is, a desperate attempt to shut the gate. But when the horse has already bolted and you are the one who left the gate open in the first place, I'm thinking it's a futile effort to start mending fences when the horse is long gone in the hills.
And so we are left with greed, insensitivity, and desperation, none of which are particularly pretty. And it occurred to me today that despite the fact I consider myself to be a compassionate person, I've long run out of patience or compassion for this particular scenario. I've been described, amongst other things, as a Snake in the Grass - and frankly I would prefer to be a Snake in the Grass than an Ostrich with my head buried in the sand. At least the Snake deals with reality and has the courage to face even the most formidable opponents.
My life has been an open book for a very long time. I have nothing to be ashamed of in the way I have treated the people in my life. I am thankful for the challenges I have faced since they have made me the person I am today. I am eternally grateful for the incredible life I now have with Shane and Lakeisha. It is truly the life I have yearned for the past 30 years. I can't begin to tell you how grateful I will be for the speedy passing of the next 5 weeks so that life can truly begin without the need for such interferance and irritation. Knowing that keeps both Shane and I focused on our incredible future and gives us the ability to get past the pettiness presently in our lives.
One of the things I find interesting from my perspective is the absolute trust and knowledge that I am secure and justified in my confidence. To know you are cherished by such a wonderful man makes each and every day an experience to be enjoyed. And despite the fact that I know what lies ahead in the coming weeks, the power plays and the moves that will be set in place - and yet I have such confidence and trust that regardless of any of that, this bond we have will surmount all. Actually I almost look forward to the ultimate confrontation that is inevitable so that life can finally take the path it's destined for. Bring it on girl I say. I confidently believe you haven't a snowballs chance in hell!
It has been wonderful over recent weeks getting to know Shane's family better. There are some gems there for sure and I'm so honoured to have been accepted into the fold. It's his parents 60th Wedding Anniversary coming up and a huge family get together. I was thrilled when Lakeisha expressed her interest to attend to meet the family as well. Hopefully there will be photographs......
It was so great to chat with Mel, Justine & Rosemary tonight on the phone. I so want to get up to Queensland to catch up with them soon. Scrap Pile has been such an important part of my world now for so long. But beyond the whole scrapbooking thing - Mel has been such a dear friend who's chat and advice I have come to rely upon. Ahhh but applying for a Design Team position again???? hmmmmm I don't think so. I mean I would LOVE to.... I really miss those packages in the mail and all Darl - but if you can figure out how to wangle me another 5-6 hours a week then I'm there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well work summons me back tomorrow so I suppose I should get off here. Best of luck with that bucket of sand..... I have a feeling you're going to need all the help you can get!