Friday, January 29, 2010

Keeping up!

I am severely under threat! And while I know my poor blog has suffered over the past year from lack of attention - I fear now that my neglect will attract even more wrist slaps from my dear friend Mel - so I am endeavouring to maintain some sort of regular input!

I suppose this week I do have a few things to write about. One is buttons. Not the kind you find on your shirt. But those buttons people push. The triggers that send you reeling into another state of mind without you even often realising they've been pushed. I guess it's happened to me a few times over the past couple of weeks and I thought it might make some good food for thought.

I found myself in a familiar situation recently where something I said which wasn't quite right was laughed at and I immediately found myself back in that old life where everything you said or did was wrong and ridiculed. I remembered how de-valued I felt as a result of my opinions and my intelligence being reduced to zero and thrown in my face. Lets just say the memory journey wasn't a particularly pleasant one. Old habits die hard I guess and while I know there was no malice intended in the incident - it was a trigger that had a profound effect. A profound effect that has had some lasting implications.

It's funny, but in the past 3 and a bit years, not only has my life changed so remarkably that I barely remember what came before - but there has been such a change in me and my expectations of where and who I am, it's hard to even comprehend the person I was back then. I suppose there will always be reminders of the bad things in the past and in some ways that's a good thing. It is a benchmark by which you gauge your life and your progress. A level of existence to which you can constantly compare to ensure you are never tempted to fall to such lows again. And above all it's a reminder of how far you've come to be where you are today.

The really good thing is that I feel as though I've come such a long way. I am so grateful for the wonderful man I have in my life and the support and encouragement he shows me in every aspect of my life. I am so lucky to have my wonderful family and that that family support & love is integrated throughout all parts of my life. I am never ceased to be amazed at the lengths Shane goes to in order to help me and make my life easier. I really am such a lucky woman.

And I suppose in some ways I was reassured that some things never change. I got curious about certain aspects of my past I guess - and so I went looking to see if anything had changed. I wasn't disappointed. Nothing had. And the knowledge that I was in such a different place and yet some of my past life was exactly the same way I had left it was certain reassurance that my life has moved on in such a better direction. Not that I needed the reassurance. But sometimes it's nice to get that nod of approval and pat on the back that your hunches deserve, and it just makes everything look so much clearer.

My full time work finished today and so next week I start on half days in job share. I really hope this works well as it's a job I love and am really sad to lose even a part of it. But you make the most of what you have and I do believe the right thing will come along whenever it's supposed to. If nothing else it will give me some additional time to do more Scrapping and that in itself is something worth looking forward to. I have done so little of it for myself over the past 5 months, it is really nice to have the motivation to create again.

Following that thought - here is a card I made for the Scrap Pile Week 2 Summer Competition Challenge.... A round card with a Sun theme. This was meant to be a sunset - but with a card this small it's kind of hard to come up with a way of making it look like a sunset!

The bottom photo really shows up the glittery background of the card.

More scrapping on the way - so stay tuned!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Return of the Moj'

I must admit that I've actually missed scrapbooking. And although I seem to have done not a lot else for the past couple of months prior to Christmas - it was all gift giving projects and none of it was for me. So now that I've had a short break and started to create again, I can't tell you how nice it feels to be making pages to keep again. I feel as though I have so many photos I want to scrap right now I would need to take the next 6 months off work to get them done.

All in good time....

Today I finished another challenge for the gang at Scrap Pile. This one was an Inspiration Challenge with 4 set colours to work with a shade of Brown, Red, Blue & Cream. This is what I came up with.....

Back to work tomorrow after a nice long 4 day weekend. But it's only for a few days and then the following week my hours will be severely cut as the lady who I've been doing a maternity leave position for comes back part time. On the one hand I will miss the job immensely but on the other hand I am actually looking forward to having a bit more time at home to do things. Not sure how long it will last and there is a part of me that wishes something a bit more permanent would come along - but for now I'm happy to go with the flow and see what life has to offer.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

New Year Resolutions...

I must admit they have never really been my cup of tea. It's usually something you really want to change but have no real drive to do. I've never been a fan of making promises I can't keep.

My head is still spinning from so many things. The fact that Lakeisha has moved away is probably one of those really significant things you have happen in your life. It's really hard to watch your kids grow up and become adults. They are still your children and they always will be. Redefining the relationship you have with them comes with all sorts of challenges and pitfalls. At the end of it all you can hope is that you are their friend and that safe place to be when things get tough out there in the real world. I guess the thing I find most reassuring is that I'm in a much better place in my own life these days to actually be that for her. It's a bit like watching a garden grow. You plant the seeds, provide the nourishment and stand back and wait to see it blossom. Without doubt - she is my rose.

Another significant event was Christmas and what a different Christmas it was. For someone who comes from a small family - it was an overwhelming experience to be surrounded by a large family. Not overwhelming in a bad way at all - I thoroughly enjoyed it. And despite the long hours, hard work and planning, I would do it again in a heartbeat. To see the pleasure it brought to Shane to actually spend Christmas with his own family for the first time in some 30 years was more reward than I ever could have imagined.

And even after all the stress of getting the gifts finished in time - I was rewarded many times over from the looks of appreciation as each recipient looked at their gift for the first time. The highlight for me in that regard was absolutely the moment of recognition of the gift which Denise unwrapped. The look and the reaction was priceless and it truly warmed my heart. I really am blessed - not to have a talent for scrapbooking, but to have the ability to give people some joy in their life - there is no better gift than that.

And so now almost all of January is gone already! I have a mere 3 days left of my job that I have come to love as a full time prospect. From the beginning of February I will be working less hours. But I am actually really looking forward to the opportunity of creating more and spending a little more time tending the home duties and my beloved doggies. Life has seemed to be such a rush this past year. It will be nice to slow down a little and spend a bit more time on the things that are important to me and perhaps at the same time not be so tired and lacking energy.

I actually managed to finish a scrapbooking layout for a competition at Scrap Pile this weekend.

It has been such a long time since I have scrapped anything for myself. So this was a nice project to start with. There are so many photos I want to scrap, a number of them have been printed off and sit here waiting for me to select them. Hopefully I will get some of them done in the coming weeks.

The only sad thing from recent weeks is the news that the house we are living in is going back on the market. It came as a shock and a disappointment all in one. I have really enjoyed this house as it lends itself so well to entertaining. We have already created some wonderful memories within it's walls. So it will be a sad day when we have to say goodbye to it. But I am looking at this with absolute knowledge that it is the next step in the journey and that what lies beyond simply waits for us to embrace it as the first days in the rest of our lives. Yes, this has been a home, but home truly is where the heart is, and so wherever we are, wherever we end up - this too will be our home!

But getting back to the subject of the day - New Year Resolutions... I guess if I had one it would be to be kinder to this blog that has been my friend in so many hours of need to blurt! If I were to make such a resolution - it would be to sign in here a little more often and keep this journal of my ever evolving life...... We'll see!