Sunday, January 01, 2012
If there was ever a time that makes me sad - it always happens on New Years Eve. I think its because NYE marks the end of the year and to me it feels like leaving behind all the things that the year contained, packing them up and putting them away, knowing you'll never again see them. Some of the things are good, some of them are not so good. I know I should focus on the new beginning the new year promises. But I still can't get past the sadness that leaving some of those events behind represents to me.
2011 was such a mixed year. I lost some things that were important to me, including Shane's mum, scrapbooking, some special doggies, and some ongoing health issues for both Shane and I, but I also gained some things as well. Valuable insight into certain friendships (both positive and negative), greater understanding of people's motivations, a wonderful new member of the family in our beloved dog Kitty and the final realisation of a more than 10 year dream to have a Halloween party and scare the pants off a group of friends.
I'm very happy to have left behind a part of my life that involved some very nasty people. When something is supposed to be supportive, encouraging and caring but is actually more ego motivated than anything else - it ceases to be supportive, encouraging and caring unless you are into ego stroking. I'm not into popularity contests and the sort of school yard antics that went on were so childish. I like to sleep at night and I don't go around bagging people who I call friends. I certainly don't use other people to get where I want to be and I don't use my friends to cover up any weaknesses I have or mistakes I may make to save my own ass. I call you my friend because I like you and because I care about you - not because of what you can do for me, or for how important your friendship makes me feel, or because it makes me more accepted by others. If you don't feel the same way about me - then don't call yourself my friend because friendship works both ways.
And so to 2012 - I know there will be highs and lows, but life is good and I have love, happiness and balance. There are lots of projects already on the planning board and I'm going to revel in the excitement to come.
Happy New Year.