Sunday, May 27, 2007

The most amazing weekend

How can you write about a dream weekend and do everything justice without being some literary genius? I'm sure I don't have such skill but to not write about it would be almost as bad so I'll give it my best shot.

Saturday was Shane's first live performance of his new music and to say I'm in awe of the man, his talent and the night in question would simply be such an understatement. Aside from the courage it must take to do this when others are less than half your age and undertaking the same is one thing, but to have the talent to make a room stand still which is literally what happened within 30 seconds of the commencement of his performance is just something I am unable to find the words to describe. There were only 2 sets of eyes not on him within the building when he started his set. His, because he was so focused on his music and performance, and mine, because I sat in awe of the incredible sight of so many people entranced by the music I had immediately recognized as being incredible the moment I first heard it.

I remember feeling such a sense of pride overwhelming me and coupled with that such relief that he would now surely be reassured within himself that this whole music thing wasn't just the ravings of an admiring fan but an absolute vote of confidence that the talent is real, the music is great and people do love it. And when Ben approached me and said "Did you see what he just did?" and my response could only be "The man is amazing"... it pretty much said it all.

Aside from anything else, I am just so touched to have been a part of this beginning and proud to be acknowledged as the driving force behind it happening. The long walk was worth it my friend and you were stupendous in every aspect. My heart was touched in so many special ways this weekend and it is likely an experience I will NEVER forget as long as I live.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Mixed Emotions

What a mixed kind of day. One moment euphoria for one dear friend and the next is sincere concern for another. Schizophrenia is such a terrible condition and I simply can't comprehend what it would take to live with it. In my capacity of Station Manager at the radio station I have been faced with a number of difficult situations in dealing with those people who cross my path, but none has been so difficult as tonight, nor probably as sad or frightening all in one. I hate to watch people struggle with their own personal demons. Tonight as someone openly wept in front of me I was unable to console or reassure or resolve the issue at hand and that as always makes me feel so helpless and ineffective.

I only hope help is at arms reach, real professional help, but I find I am very afraid for the outcome and feeling so sad that such suffering goes unaided tonight. Have strength and believe in yourself. For once I am at a total loss for words..........

Thursday, May 24, 2007


Some new music tonight on the blog page.... Track 14 from the "Hogan The Hero" CD by Shane. If you are reading this later and the music has changed you can still find the track here. It's on tonight because I feel as though it's a track of inspiration and hope and above all else tonight that's exactly what I need to be feeling.

Life has been such a succession of highs and lows these past months, but somewhere amongst the turmoil I have managed to find a peace and feeling of belonging that I've not felt for over 20 years. There is such special comfort in the knowledge that you are in the right place in your life and having that one special person, with whom you connect so completely, feel the same way in return, just makes life truly worth living.

If there were ever a time in my life when I could say I was blissfully happy - it would be now. And yet tonight I stand on the verge of such changes to everything that it's difficult to breathe and my heart is almost afraid to beat. I want nothing to change and everything to change. But above all I hope and pray that we can face the future and everything it places in our path. I know that if all that is needed to pass this test is love and committment and faith and determination, then we have already passed the test. I am there every step of the path through the future - whatever that may bring..........

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Standing Up For What You Believe In

I subscribe to a few bits and pieces on the internet which regularly come through my inbox. Not a lot of things but two of the things that do come through daily are the two things that often astound me by their accuracy in terms of their relevance to my life at the moment. One is my horoscope from Astrology.Com and the other is thoughts from The DailyOm.

Yesterday's Daily OM I didn't get to read until last night as I hadn't downloaded my home emails for 2 days and sadly there were 173 of them when I got home last night. But anyway here is what it said.....

Putting Power In Perspective
Always Be For Something
As human beings, we cannot help but be subject to our preferences. However, we do have control over the manner in which these manifest themselves in our lives. Every value we hold dear is an expression of either support or opposition, and it is our perspective that determines whether we are for something or against it. As an example of a situation we are all familiar with at this time: We can direct our energy and intentions into activities that promote peace rather than using our resources to speak out in opposition of war. On the surface, these appear to be two interchangeable methods of expressing one virtue, yet being for something is a vastly more potent means of inspiring change because it carries with it the power of constructive intent.

When you support a cause, whether your support is active or passive, you contribute to the optimism that fuels all affirmative change. Optimistic thoughts energize people, giving them hope and inspiring them to work diligently on behalf of what they believe in. Being for something creates a positive shift in the universe, which means that neither you nor those who share your vision will have any trouble believing that transformation on a grand scale is indeed possible. To be against something is typically easy, as you need only speak out in opposition to it. Standing up for something is often more challenging, because you may be introducing an idea to people that may scare them on a soul level.

Throughout your life, you have likely been told that the actions of one person will seldom have a measurable impact on the world. Yet your willingness to stand up for what you believe in instead of decrying what you oppose can turn the tides of fate. The thoughts you project when you choose to adopt a positive perspective will provide you with a means to actively promote your values and, eventually, foster lasting change.

I honestly believe that this is a large part of why I feel my life is moving ahead in a positive direction now, more so than recent years where I have tended to voice an opinion, or raise an objection, but not necessarily followed through and done anything about it. I have often felt that to do something to make a difference was out of my control - one voice wouldn't make a difference - and sometimes even doubted that I was enough to make a difference even in my own life. Things have changed and aside from the obvious increase in my own sense of self worth, I am now surrounded by a number of people who believe in me, in what I can do and who have given me so much support and encouragement to go on that I feel like I could fly if I put my mind to it. I am indeed so very lucky in that respect to have these special people in my life.

And now I feel that I am taking on that attitude of not just complaining or objecting to the things I see before me that displease me, but I actually attempt to do something about it. And sometimes I guess that can be met with some opposition in itself, especially from those who knew the "old" you and are suddenly faced with a "way of being" that is foreign to them.

Life isn't about being right or wrong. Well to me at least. It's about happiness, and harmony, and pleasure, and passion. And life to me without those 4 integral things is not worth living. And while I no longer live my life to please other people, I am always mindful of how my actions affect those around me and try not to impact in negative ways on them or myself, find some middle road perhaps that we can travel down together in harmony. The journey of life is a pretty long one, and as with any journey, the company you keep and the quality that choice brings to your life can often determine the outcome of the journey.

It distresses me a great deal when anyone seems to go out of their way to create discord for others, especially knowingly. I cannot do anything about the past. But I hope for the future that I will never knowingly put anyone in a position where they are uncomfortable, minimized, victimized or embarrassed. It's probably a pipe dream but wouldn't it be nice if those people I come into contact with in the future would return the favour too....

Well enough of the philosophy - the week overall was a success. The Cereal Offenders went to air 5 days, unfortunately on Friday I was on my own for the most part since my dear friend Julie was unwell and unable to join me. But once again saved by my friends, a phone call from Allen cheered me up mid way, and then Shane arrived just after 8 to help me out for the last 3/4 hour before he headed off to work.... I am blessed to have you two as my friends truly. You both mean the world to me - I hope you know that.

The rest of the week was a blur of 4:00 a.m. alarms and very late days at work. I'm exhausted but elated. I did laugh though this morning when I woke up and looked at the clock and it was 4:00 a.m..... I guess the body is working it's way into a routine afterall. And so I'll look forward to another week and hope that things start to settle down and run a little more efficiently. I'm getting more help with the things I need to do day by day which has to help in the long run. And yes I'm tired, but I'm home if you know what I mean. I'm feeling such a sense of being where I belong in all aspects of my life now that I almost fear any changes.

Monday, May 14, 2007

1 Down - 4 To Go

WOW what can I say - what a fun experience. Today was of course the first day of the Breakfast Show Cereal Offenders. Poor Shane was really suffering and if it wasn't bad enough that he had to be there - not only couldn't he buy a newspaper on the way in (no newsagent open) but to add insult to injury the McDonalds Coffee Machine had broken down and there was no coffee. LOL ahhh see this is what happens when you get addicted to those drugs of choice! Have to go a day without them and you just can't cope. Wasn't it you who said laugh "at" people - not with them? LOL

We taped the show of course so I sat there and had a listen after it was all over and it wasn't THAT bad despite a few teething problems and us worrying it was lame, so I'm pretty happy with the outcome. We've had some positive feedback already as well so I'm really looking forward to doing it ongoing. Now if I can just stay awake long enough. I put in a 13 hour day today which was way too long and I'm absolutely stuffed. So it will be an early night tonight and hopefully I'll actually sleep unlike last night where I woke almost every hour on the hour.

The countdown is on - Johnny Depp in eye liner - 10 days and counting...........

Not much else to report. Fingers crossed some money matters will be resolved shortly.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Cereal Offenders

Well here we are - the Cereal Offenders..............

Oh Dear - Only less than 29 hours to go!!!!!!!!


Someone once said "Time is only relevant to the last time you felt happy."

I guess that makes today very relevant..... I just wanted to make a note of it - that's all.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Test of Faith

Faith is such a tedious thing sometimes. Faith in those around you can sometimes be such a test of committment and honesty. But having faith in yourself more often is the biggest challenge any human being can face. It involves forgiveness for those less than perfect traits and the bravery to put yourself on the vulnerable path to be assessed & judged & accepted by others. And I can understand the vulnerability and self doubt which leads to the inability to have faith in your own abilities. That very basic human need for acceptance, can drive us crazy with all the self evaluation and analyzing.

It has never ceased to amaze me that sometimes individuals are so oblivious to the fact that they are so special, so talented, that there is little faith required for such acceptance. They strive for the perfection and the acceptance with such an urgency that they miss the point that their very existence lends itself to approval of others, and yet they torture themselves to pursue ever mounting heights of perfection, no matter what the cost to health or relationships.

Someone recently taught me the absolute worth of being. And by that I mean that by just being me, it was enough. And if being me wasn't enough, then those seeking more were the ones missing what I was worth, not me. I now have the faith in myself after so many years of feeling as though I was never enough. I now know that my best is all I need to aim for and that those who love me will be more than happy with that effort. And yet it seems the teacher is not so convinced by their own lessons. If only the acceptance shown already were enough to prove that the faith was justified! One could simply get down to the job at hand instead of questioning why that acceptance was forthcoming in the first place, and seeking ways of embellishing what is already a near perfect performance, and in the process jeopardising so many important things including the love of those dear to them.

I am truly blessed to be loved by such a special person. If only my love in return were enough to have you believe in yourself as much as I believe in you, then life would be so much more simple..... for all of us.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Dog shows & other tales...

OK so I got brave this weekend and actually managed to get myself off to our local dog shows. After quite a few weeks of getting Hogan back into show condition I guess all the hard work paid off. Yesterday he won Best Exhibit in the Gundog Group and then today he repeated that but also gave me the big thrill of another Best in Show win under New South Wales judge - Wayne Burton. Not that I've spoken much about my dog showing endeavours on this blog, but this is my 30th year of showing American Cocker Spaniels - and it was 20 years ago that I first showed under Wayne Burton as we figured out today... It's been many months (I think August last year) since I showed at a dog show and despite the fact that over the years we had established ourselves as one of the premier exhibitors and breeders of the breed, in recent years I've lost the desire to do what I used to do. I find the quality in the breed lacking and the opportunities to remedy that are limited. It's frustrating to try to go ahead these days and so I've tended to pull back a little on my involvement both in breeding and in showing.

Although it was absolutely awesome to spend the day with some of my favourite people in my life, there were times where I was absolutely bored to tears and I spent much of today with my mp3 player attached to my ears and tuning out to the bitter complaining, whining, bitching and backstabbing that makes the dog show fraternity (to me at least) somewhat unbearable at times. It was super to catch up again with people like Lisa & John Hodgeson, Lynda Marquis, Laurie & Kath Humphries, Kerry Lee, Wayne Douglas & Graeme Missen, all of whom I haven't seen in a very long while, but all of whom I respect and like. I was amazed at how many people who I've probably known for most of the 30 years I've been showing come up and say how nice it was to see me back showing and hoped I would be out there again soon.

But then there are the ugly bits about dog showing and the people involved. Like the people who are supposed to be friends but who make derogatory comments and flippant remarks that serve no purpose but to take a little away from what you've done, most likely purely out of jealousy or what ever other petty motivation they may have.

It serves as a constant reminder to me of the parts of dog showing I detest and the ugliness in people who try to take away whatever happiness you may find in your life. I guess the bottom line is that I love this dog, I think he's one of the best dogs we've ever bred, he has the biggest heart and the most adorable temperament and he loves us back tenfold. And I would trade all the Best in Shows in the world to have him with me for another lifetime.... for he is my special boy and the ribbons count for nothing in our "relationship".

I really enjoyed dinner on Saturday night with Lynda, Laurie, Kath, Beth, Lakeisha & Helen. We of course went to my second Loungeroom Culture. And it was great to have Helen visiting for the weekend although we probably didn't get to spend quite as much time together chatting as we had planned. I guess there are always other weekends Helen.

Photos soon - hopefully!

Back to work tomorrow.... 12.5 hours & counting.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

What a difference a day makes.

Sometimes life's highs and lows can be so extreme it leaves you wondering whether you've just had some kind of out of body experience. Some days I feel like I'm just a passive observer of my own life. Those are usually the days when things seem to run out of control and I'm left feeling like I'm standing on the sidelines watching the proceedings behind a glass wall. And there isn't a damn thing I can do about it but watch.

Sometimes life does present you with things you can't change, can't help or can't make any difference. The unfortunate part about that, is for someone like me who ALWAYS wants to participate in the solution - that's hard to take. I guess it comes back to that divine advice from the Serenity Prayer - grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Personally I think it should take courage to accept things you can't change as well.... at least from my perspective. But from that wisdom to know the difference, I guess comes my cue to never miss a good opportunity to shut up and just be there and know it's enough.

My day yesterday was filled with somewhat bright moments of seeing my Glamour Girls layout in print in the Scrapbooking Memories issue 8-11 magazine. The funny part about it is that when you buy it from the stores wrapped in plastic it usually comes with a free back issue. It just happened that the back issue that came with mine contained issue 8-8 which was the one that had my very first published layout in there. I've put in a few other submissions so fingers crossed these won't be the last ones deemed worthy of publication.

Things are continuing to slowly move at the station. Although the more I think about the whole breakfast show thing the more I ask myself what I am getting myself into. It will be fun but the early mornings and the threats of embarrassing moments from my co-hosts are enough to scare the hell out of me.... Never mind - stick to the principle that no-one is listening (it's our way of getting over the whole "stage fright" thing as it were) and it shouldn't be a problem. LOL. A photo session today for a promo shot should also be an interesting challenge.

As I write this it's about 5:30 in the morning and outside it's pouring with rain. Hopefully it doesn't set the mood for the day. And on that note perhaps I'll wander back to bed and hope that another hour of sleep might change the pattern.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Long Awaited...

OK this is the long awaited LO. This is something I have been wanting to scrap for a while now so hopefully there will be more LO's (not necessarily on the same subject....) from here on.


I've been tagged by the gorgeous Gabrielle..... You need to check out her gallery - she has been such an inspiration to me over the past year. Thanks Gabi for your talented creations and for being a friend as well.

Here are the rules: each player must write 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to blog about their 7 things and post the rules as well. At the end of the blog, you need to choose 7 people to get tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog. So now for my 7 things:

1. I've never taken a scrapbooking class or been to a crop, although I've given classes and been on a Design Team. (I think that's commonly referred to as the blind leading the blind!)

2. I hate large spiders. It's so bad that I actually start shaking and have to absolutely force myself to whack it - sometimes I can't and I call my poor long suffering spider killing daughter to do it for me.

3. I'm a sucker for flowers....

4. If I like a song or a piece of music I can listen to it play in the background over and over and over and.... well you get the picture. I sometimes have the same CD play on repeat softly in the background in my bedroom all night as I sleep. I think it drives Lakeisha crazy sometimes.

5. I love wood fires but I hate the mess that comes with them.

6. I'm too much of a perfectionist with some things and not enough in others.

7. I actually like who I am and where I am going right now which hasn't been the case for a very long time.

7 people to be tagged: OK well sorry girls but here you go - Tracey - Terri - Steph - Kylie - Allison (ha ha now you'll have to do a blog LOL) - Tegan (ha ha now you need one as well!) - and last but not least Deb

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Finally I got around to scrapping a new layout. This one obviously entitled A Simple Wish. I was mucking around on the weekend taking some photos with my phone camera. It's amazing really what you can do with a phone these days - heck they even still make phone calls! I then played around with the photos in Paint Shop Pro. So the picture has an interesting effect.

Evidently the Scrapbooking Memories issue (8:11) that contains my Glamour Girls layout is on the stands, so the girls at inform me - they've seen it and I haven't. Walked up to the newsagent yesterday to buy myself a copy but they didn't have it in yet!!!! Maybe today. Maybe not LOL.

Can no news always be considered good news? hmmmm I wonder.