Friendship

Friendship with me comes unconditional. And so when someone I consider a friend is in trouble, you can guarantee I will be standing there right by their side. Tonight having spent almost an hour on the phone with a friend who is going through a very trying time in their life - I have to say I am yet again touched by their incredible maturity and courage. I am often reminded of how lucky I am to have been surrounded by such wonderful friends. This is one such time. All I can say is that I expect to be doing the very same thing I was doing for my birthday sunshine - so you better be prepared to repeat the experience some time real soon. To think this would not be possible is something I can't comprehend. To have you sit in my loungeroom and play the guitar and sing is something I hope we can both experience soon and often.

And on another level, my life seems so incredible. In some ways the days of my life can not pass quickly enough and yet on another level I think to savour these moments will make the rest of my life all the more sweet. There is one thing I wish for above all else. There is nothing that could take its place and nothing that could make me more happy. You know that. The next few weeks will pass painfully slowly but be worth every moment.

So many lives at crossroads.......

Another new creation in the making.

Thankfully despite a rather late night, or should I say early morning, I've completed the mini album for the circle journal at Scrap Pile. Entitled "My Most Treasured Possession" it will now make it's way over the coming months to Zeta, Leah, Melanie and Mel for their contributions and finally come home to be a treasured possession in it's own right. So here is my contribution to the pages so far.

Sky High

Well finally the weather held off enough for me to get that flight I've been promised for a couple of weeks. What an awesome experience. Despite being warned about the worst it was really a lot of fun and I spent more time laughing at the concerned face on the pilot (who was worried about whether I was coping) than I ever was likely to be stressed about the flight... I don't quite know what it is about me, but sometimes people just worry way too much and then are quite surprised by how calm I can be with new experiences...

Anyway thank you Daryl for an amazing experience that I could clearly learn to like a whole bunch, and it was really cool of you to take Madison up for a fly as well given he's so keen on being a pilot.

And what would a new experience be without photos.....

Random things make life what it is.

How is it that life gets so exciting to throw all sorts of things into the ring for you to deal with all at once?

Speaking with a dear friend who is in the process of going through the worry of having bone cancer scanning done this coming week did not exactly make the end of the week anything to celebrate. Having the burden of being the bearer of the news to the rest of the family wasn't exactly something to smile about either. But I know she's an extraordinary woman who has already survived so much of what life throws at you, and that she will face this present hurdle with the courage and grace (as well as the appropriate number of verbal expletives) I've come to admire her for over the some 30 years we've known one another.

I was really sad listening to a phone message left by my bosses wife yesterday, urging me not to be disheartened or upset about the job not working out. Complimenting me on my attitude, my abilities and wishing me well for the future. More than the words she said, I was struck by the sad tone with which the words were expressed. The thought that goes through my mind so often since Tuesday is - how pointless.... But then as I said in the last post, I am grateful for the good things that came from this short passage and it just adds another life experience to the growing list. And at the end of the day - it's his loss, not mine. How does it go? You never truly know what you've lost until it's gone???? Damn... how true is that?

And so in the meantime here are some random things that have made up my life over the past few weeks. I thought I would share....

Such is life.

What a difference a couple of weeks makes. You might wonder where I've disappeared to since July 13. Almost 2 weeks later and it's like a different life already. So many changes and so many new things to experience and encounter.

Is it tomorrow already? One moment I was celebrating a birthday and the next thing a phone call took me into the next day. Ahh yes another year older and hopefully wiser......

These past couple of weeks have been a blur really. It's as though a new and exciting phase of my life just leapt up from nowhere taking me by surprise. I feel as though life is carrying me on the journey rather than me having the control over where I go right now. I am being transported to places so unexpected and the interesting thing is that I don't feel apprehensive or frightened by any of it. It's as though it's meant to be and I know that wherever this particular journey takes me - it's going to work out for the best.

A completely new friendship has opened my eyes to the wonderful opportunities life has to offer and the realisation that age is never a barrier to anything if you possess the right frame of mind. I am so inspired by his love of life, his passion, his energy, and acheivements in life. In many ways it makes me take stock of how little I have acheived in my own life, but not the wallow in the self pity of my failure to emulate such acheivements, more to inspire me to pursue those dreams I do have while I am able. I never cease to be amazed by the way events change your life and the very core of the way you see the roads to the future. After such a short time of knowing someone, it's incredible to think they can be there for you at such crucial moments when you really need the support, and for that alone Daryl, I thank you.

Sadly the new job has come to an end. In all honesty I don't think I could say I thought it would last beyond the initial 13 week agreement. As much as I am grateful for everything I have gained from this experience - some people are just impossible to work with - this is one of them. Sometimes no amount of money can make it worthwhile to work with someone. When you give 110% and walk away feeling less confident within yourself each and every day, when the lines in the sand constantly change and when there is a sense that you can't win no matter what strategy you employ - sometimes it's better to admit defeat and walk away. It somehow feels right - at least right now. I am grateful for my improved health with the work on my teeth, I am grateful for the introduction to a new and valued friend, but I am also grateful for not having to endure the constant pressure as well..... and so ends another stage of my life.

So my 47th birthday is now relegated to yesterday and I can't continue to be disappointed that it didn't quite turn out as I had hoped in the end. An early morning visit from Shane started the day in a positive way and an unexpected visit from Paul ended up providing an interesting day. A really lovely lunch in Lorne looking out over a very calm ocean, sunshine, conversation and a real sense of closeness and friendship was probably, thankfully, a little over and above the underlying fear and concern for the coming weeks and his forthcoming challenges. I couldn't help on the way down the winding road to Lorne think about how even 2 days ago I would not have been available to be in his company and yet fate yet again has stepped in to pave the way. Sometimes why you feel the way you do about someone fails the tests of logic, you are just there no matter what and it's OK. I can only hope that presence makes enough difference when it's needed.

I was inundated with text messages wishing me a happy day which was a nice surprise and another really nice surprise was some messages I received on my new found source of entertainment - Facebook. Thanks Jordo, Ange & Tegan! Then as if that wasn't enough, I discovered two very beautiful ladies had purchased for me gift vouchers to spend at the Scrap Pile shop. Mel & Jewls - I hope you know that when I finally did check my email very late last night - you literally did bring me to tears. I sat here looking at the screen with tears streaming down my cheeks wondering what the hell I did to deserve such wonderful friends. Thank you so very much for thinking of me. A very late call from Daryl which ran into the wee hours finished off a rather perfect "imperfect" day. I know that he'll be happy when the alarm goes off in a few hours time..... I guess it all just goes to prove that despite the fact things don't always go as you plan or hope - sometimes just going with the flow delivers you with an otherwise perfect day which was the case for July 24th 2008.

Ahhh but now bed calls...... it's late......

People

People watching has always been a favourite pastime of mine. It's amazing what you can learn when you observe. I was struck yesterday by the contrasts between so many of my friends. There are some who have a clear sense of who they are and the direction their lives are going. I watched yesterday with some amusement (and don't get me wrong, it wasn't a laughing at them kind of amusement, more a sense of awe) while one spoke so passionately about the thing that was most important in their life while apologising profusely for taking up my time and probably boring me. It wasn't boring, and I fail to see how anyone could think it was, to see another human being so enthusiastic, willing to share, and positively glowing at just the mention of their passion. The particular passion wasn't something I shared and probably not anything I'm likely to share to that extent, but to me, it's a beautiful thing to see someone do something with their life and follow their dream, and watch those eyes of fire light up with the mere mention of the things they love.

And then the contrast in one day, of someone just sitting and waiting for life to evolve and not taking charge and leading the way to their dreams. Just sitting back and waiting for life to come to you. And it never does. And I had to think to myself that I've probably been a bit guilty of that myself of recent times. While I believe in fate and that everything happens for a reason, and all of that - life still requires some effort on your part to make it happen. When we sit still, we stagnate. Life virtually passes us by. We experience nothing. We feel the lack of fulfillment in our life but we do nothing about it. We exist, but that's it, we just exist - we don't LIVE.

I'm not really sure where the journey of life is likely to take me from here. But I am resolved to the fact that I'm from here on going to be a participant, and not a casual observer, of my own life. My boss despite some of his questionable (in my opinion only of course) philosophies in life has one that is beginning to resound with me - that is "You sleep with dogs - you wake up with fleas" And as I've said before - while I don't sleep with my dogs even though they don't have fleas, I still get the message behind the quote. I guess at the end of the day it's a matter of getting your head around what you want for your life. Looking at the people who are truly happy with their lives, you can easily see why they are. They are the ones who don't sit still and wait for it to happen - they reach out for the things they want and pursue their passion.

Another conversation yesterday regarding the amazing time we live in with all the incredible opportunities and things - like this powerful thing we know as the www. Sometimes it's such an incredible thing and sometimes it's such an incredibly time consuming thing.... I will have to slap the Boofcheese - I can see Facebook looming as a bit of an obsession. I will of course try to resist. That's after I raise enough funds to buy a few more friends as Hotties... LOL

Happy Sunday folks.....

Flying

It's amazing how life takes you in such different directions. I received an email tonight from someone who is so special in my life but whom I have not spent the time I should have to keep in touch. It makes me realise just how much my life has taken me in a different direction but also how much I miss some of the special people who mean so much to me.

Jamie if you do get around to reading this, just know that you will always be in my heart as my MOST special friend. I really do miss you a great deal and think of you so often, but to know that you are happy in your new life gives me hope. As I said in my email - no one could be happier that you have found your place in this life.

I was thinking tonight of the lyrics of a song I have heard often these past few days thanks to the Boofcheese's admiration of the "Moulin Rouge" movie.....

I follow the night
Can't stand the light
When will I begin to live again

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
What more could your love do for me
When will love be through with me
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends

One day I'll fly away
Fly fly away...

Well you never know - with any luck One Day I'll Fly Away..............

Thinking thoughts...

Whenever I think too much it gives me a headache. It's not the actual thinking process, it's the depth the thinking gets to. There have been many nights over a very long period of time (years in fact) that it's kept me awake for many hours. I don't think of it as a negative thing. Often on those long nights it's when I see the reality of situations and people. I can break down the choreographed moves and practiced speeches, from the genuine heartfelt ones. There are times when I feel I've become an actor in my own autobiographical movie. I sit there watching the scenes play through - I've already read the script - I know how it ends - but watching the performance is a necessary process in critiquing the role.

If there is one thing I have learned in my now almost 47 years of this lifetime - it's that as one door closes, another invariably opens. Sometimes the closing of the door can be a relief, sometimes we close it without even noticing, and sometimes the closing of the door can be filled with sadness. From my perspective, because I am so in tune with those around me, the closing of the door rarely goes unnoticed, and when you see the door half closed, for me, it evokes a melancholy sadness, a time for reflection and a realisation that another stage of your life is about to commence.

In so many ways we all struggle with the lives we choose in an effort to make the best of who and where we are. Some of us fare better than others in that I guess. And it depends on your own perspective as to how well you are doing. You may consider you are doing just fine, while someone else may perceive your life as somewhat less in the success stakes. I guess at the end of the day, so long as you are happy that's all that matters.

I remember having a conversation with Bob before he went overseas, in relation to a group of his friends who were sitting around having a beer one weekend after the death of one of the group. His comment was - at his age (just a little older than I...) you better be doing what you love with who you love because time is running out. He's now off fulfilling a dream of a 6 month working holiday overseas. It kind of leads me to wonder if I found myself on my deathbed tomorrow - would I regret not pursuing something a bit more fulfilling right now?????

So much has happened over the past couple of months to change the course of my life. Nothing stays the same, things change constantly. There have been learning experiences, wonderful benefits and some not so pleasant things sprinkled in between. But it's so interesting to see how things evolve, one thing leads to another and it just helps to reassure me that everything happens for a reason and what is meant to be - will.

Welcome to Winter

Winter is well & truly here - it announced that this fine cold morning with avengence. I think we had everything BUT snow and for a time there in the wee hours I was convinced the roof would blow off. Where the hell did the first half of the year go? They say time flies when you are having fun. Holy cow - I must be having a ball!

Something came to me tonight by way of inspiration for another layout. And hey - it's not up to me to argue with inspiration - so here is "The Two Of Us".


It's late - I need sleep.