Saturday, July 05, 2008

Thinking thoughts...

Whenever I think too much it gives me a headache. It's not the actual thinking process, it's the depth the thinking gets to. There have been many nights over a very long period of time (years in fact) that it's kept me awake for many hours. I don't think of it as a negative thing. Often on those long nights it's when I see the reality of situations and people. I can break down the choreographed moves and practiced speeches, from the genuine heartfelt ones. There are times when I feel I've become an actor in my own autobiographical movie. I sit there watching the scenes play through - I've already read the script - I know how it ends - but watching the performance is a necessary process in critiquing the role.

If there is one thing I have learned in my now almost 47 years of this lifetime - it's that as one door closes, another invariably opens. Sometimes the closing of the door can be a relief, sometimes we close it without even noticing, and sometimes the closing of the door can be filled with sadness. From my perspective, because I am so in tune with those around me, the closing of the door rarely goes unnoticed, and when you see the door half closed, for me, it evokes a melancholy sadness, a time for reflection and a realisation that another stage of your life is about to commence.

In so many ways we all struggle with the lives we choose in an effort to make the best of who and where we are. Some of us fare better than others in that I guess. And it depends on your own perspective as to how well you are doing. You may consider you are doing just fine, while someone else may perceive your life as somewhat less in the success stakes. I guess at the end of the day, so long as you are happy that's all that matters.

I remember having a conversation with Bob before he went overseas, in relation to a group of his friends who were sitting around having a beer one weekend after the death of one of the group. His comment was - at his age (just a little older than I...) you better be doing what you love with who you love because time is running out. He's now off fulfilling a dream of a 6 month working holiday overseas. It kind of leads me to wonder if I found myself on my deathbed tomorrow - would I regret not pursuing something a bit more fulfilling right now?????

So much has happened over the past couple of months to change the course of my life. Nothing stays the same, things change constantly. There have been learning experiences, wonderful benefits and some not so pleasant things sprinkled in between. But it's so interesting to see how things evolve, one thing leads to another and it just helps to reassure me that everything happens for a reason and what is meant to be - will.


Blogger Melissa said...

Hey Lovely lady, have been thinking of you lots since our conversation and hoping that all is OK in your part of the world.Hope to catch up with you again real soon. Hugs to you from me.xxoo

2:08 pm  

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