Friday, January 29, 2010

Keeping up!

I am severely under threat! And while I know my poor blog has suffered over the past year from lack of attention - I fear now that my neglect will attract even more wrist slaps from my dear friend Mel - so I am endeavouring to maintain some sort of regular input!

I suppose this week I do have a few things to write about. One is buttons. Not the kind you find on your shirt. But those buttons people push. The triggers that send you reeling into another state of mind without you even often realising they've been pushed. I guess it's happened to me a few times over the past couple of weeks and I thought it might make some good food for thought.

I found myself in a familiar situation recently where something I said which wasn't quite right was laughed at and I immediately found myself back in that old life where everything you said or did was wrong and ridiculed. I remembered how de-valued I felt as a result of my opinions and my intelligence being reduced to zero and thrown in my face. Lets just say the memory journey wasn't a particularly pleasant one. Old habits die hard I guess and while I know there was no malice intended in the incident - it was a trigger that had a profound effect. A profound effect that has had some lasting implications.

It's funny, but in the past 3 and a bit years, not only has my life changed so remarkably that I barely remember what came before - but there has been such a change in me and my expectations of where and who I am, it's hard to even comprehend the person I was back then. I suppose there will always be reminders of the bad things in the past and in some ways that's a good thing. It is a benchmark by which you gauge your life and your progress. A level of existence to which you can constantly compare to ensure you are never tempted to fall to such lows again. And above all it's a reminder of how far you've come to be where you are today.

The really good thing is that I feel as though I've come such a long way. I am so grateful for the wonderful man I have in my life and the support and encouragement he shows me in every aspect of my life. I am so lucky to have my wonderful family and that that family support & love is integrated throughout all parts of my life. I am never ceased to be amazed at the lengths Shane goes to in order to help me and make my life easier. I really am such a lucky woman.

And I suppose in some ways I was reassured that some things never change. I got curious about certain aspects of my past I guess - and so I went looking to see if anything had changed. I wasn't disappointed. Nothing had. And the knowledge that I was in such a different place and yet some of my past life was exactly the same way I had left it was certain reassurance that my life has moved on in such a better direction. Not that I needed the reassurance. But sometimes it's nice to get that nod of approval and pat on the back that your hunches deserve, and it just makes everything look so much clearer.

My full time work finished today and so next week I start on half days in job share. I really hope this works well as it's a job I love and am really sad to lose even a part of it. But you make the most of what you have and I do believe the right thing will come along whenever it's supposed to. If nothing else it will give me some additional time to do more Scrapping and that in itself is something worth looking forward to. I have done so little of it for myself over the past 5 months, it is really nice to have the motivation to create again.

Following that thought - here is a card I made for the Scrap Pile Week 2 Summer Competition Challenge.... A round card with a Sun theme. This was meant to be a sunset - but with a card this small it's kind of hard to come up with a way of making it look like a sunset!

The bottom photo really shows up the glittery background of the card.

More scrapping on the way - so stay tuned!


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