Saturday, December 22, 2007

Hypocrits and other life choices...

If there is something I've come to understand over recent years, it's the hypocrit in all it's glory. The person who suffers low self esteem and in order to feel better about themselves, pull those around them down to their level, or below, in order to feel superior. In all too many cases that I've seen, they constantly tell you how much better they are than you, how much bigger, brighter, and more enriched their lives have been, and somehow they manage to find the things you dislike most about yourself (sometimes I think they actually create those things in the first place - planted like a seed in your mind and then fertilized and nourished until it becomes a fully fledged flowering phobia of yourself or at least parts of yourself) and they use that thing to drag you around and knock you down.

I don't think I will ever understand that kind of behaviour. Especially not in a partner. I've experienced it and I never want to go back to it. I feel sad for these people that they never get the idea of encouragement and love and the uplifting experience of making people feel good about themselves instead of insecure and unhappy. I haven't met a person yet who didn't respond in a much more positive way to acceptance and encouragement. And I will never understand until the day I die the hypocracy that lies behind the former scenario.

How can you love someone, truly love someone, and not encourage them to be the best they can be? How can you not recognise and just accept your own faults and inabilities without making them a burden for someone else to carry through your life on your behalf? We are all responsible for where we are in our own lives right now. We got to this point via the decisions we have made and the choices we have selected. It's no good bitching about it and it's no one else's fault. Accept it. If you like where you are, fine. If you don't, change. It really is that simple. I just don't see how blaming someone else or picking on someone else fixes your problems. But then there are those who would rather put the things they guard on a tight leash, than trust them and treat them with love and know it's enough. Thank god I know these days - it is enough.

Yes there are times when I ask myself too can some of the things in my life at this time be too good to be true. Shane, you were right today when you said that if it was too good, it would mean we weren't worthy of having whatever it was. I think I am. For once in my life I think I deserve what I have. But then for once in my life, maybe I finally understand what it is to be deserving of good things, and the difference is having the confidence to take on the world and actually live life. The confidence that comes with that trust and love that gives you the freedom to be and own who you are.

Facing the journey of 2008 comes with the most incredible sense of anticipation anyone could imagine, and an urgency to quit wasting time and be all we can be. I think the proof of the right steps forward will be obvious to all who observe them.

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