Tuesday, January 29, 2008

The long road to normal

I should know better really. I guess I should know better about a lot of things but one of the things I do know better about is don't mix conversation and emotion and tiredness. It often works out badly and I guess it did last night, hence I should have known better. And I have to say that without my online friends who YES I do consider to be friends, not just Net Friends, the past couple of years would have been much less enriched and a lot less laughs and love.

And while I will continue to recover from lifes little glitches at my own pace, because that's all I can do - good bad or otherwise - just be me in everything including recovery processes, I do take on board that I have people who care about me and try to offer advice and support when they see a need for it. I am very grateful to have you all in my life.

The one thing that does interest me out of this has been the realisation of how we tend to think that we are perceived a certain way or tend to rather NOT see how others perceive us and the things we do. As much as your intentions may be a certain way, it doesn't mean that's how everyone else sees it and sometimes I think one can be misunderstood for that very reason.

Mel at Scrap Pile issued a challenge which by rights should have been completed this morning by 8:00 a.m. however I was simply unable to spend the time on it for various reasons and only just managed to get it finished at lunch time. It wasn't actually what I started out to do, but in light of conversations last night and this morning, I think it was probably perfect and I therefore dedicate it to Tracey & Julie - why? - Because they are both a little scarey, both sometimes just don't understand me, both sometimes simply can't see where I am coming from (I blame my old age and their excessive childrenness... LOL), but both are passionate, beautiful ladies who's maternal instincts to protect those they love are fierce and loyal. And it's when that instinct branches out to friends, even when it causes conflict, you can't help but admire and be grateful they are on your side.

The challenge was for Australia Day and to scrap a layout or card only using the colours of the flag. I decided to do a bit of a play on the colours and so the LO is entitled "Read, Why't & Blue". The journaling tag says : I don't want to minimise the pain or the impact. I don't want to think about the loss. I don't want to forget how happy you made me. I'm the lucky one though. I walk away with self respect, knowing I was honest, gave it my all and did it for the right reasons.

And Tracey - it's because I feel I am the lucky one that I think I am the real winner - if, as you see it, there needs to be one. I can cope with the smugness and spite from her, broken promises and lies from him.... but throughout all of this I remained true to myself, I kept every promise I made him, I never let him down when he needed me throughout his heart attack, his car accident, his financial troubles, his emotional stress or at any other time in the past year, & in the end I allowed him to make his choice based on love and trust and respect, not guilt or need or ownership. If he fails to see what he's lost, then that too is his loss. I will survive and be happy, he has a miserable life caring for an old, unattractive, bitter and betrayed woman ahead of him, and she has his pity and a firm hold of her end of the dog leash. Frankly they are both welcome to that life - I certainly want no part in a relationship that consists of that, and at the end of the day it was his choice.


Blogger melissa said...

I am so very proud of you and your strength Maree. I know it doesn't make it any easier with how you are feeling right now.Just know that yes you do have some great FRIENDS,not just NET friends as we are called but true friends who care for sure.Thinking of you and head to Adelaide...do you the world of good Woman....lol

3:31 pm  

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