Saturday, November 10, 2007

Another difficult week

The most shocking part of this week was the news that one of the student's at Lakeisha's school passed away on Friday morning. Lakeisha was very upset as she had only been talking with her the afternoon before at school. It's impossible to comprehend how her parents must be feeling. And of course it's such a jolt to your system as you inevitably put yourself in their shoes. I just couldn't imagine the pain and the despair, though more than that - I never WANT to imagine or experience the pain and despair.

I am aware that I do have a tendancy to want to have my finger on the pulse, but I am finding it difficult to cope with everything at the moment. I think mostly due to the fact that every part of my life seems to be reliant upon other people's help/decisions/expertice so my "life" can continue down chosen paths. It's creating so much anxiety while I wait and hope those other people know what they are doing, make the right decisions, and get the job done in time. Personally I feel very alone and unsupported right now. I know that I'm tired and that contributes to a lot of my emotional state, and I guess what I really need is some clarity. At the moment I am having a little trouble sorting out the fact from the fiction. And there has been a fair bit of fiction recently. And while I don't believe I am a weak person, having someone or some people with whom you can share your troubles and know that you can rely on or lean on for support - at that time when you need them - just makes any situation so much easier to deal with. An engaged signal on the other end of a phone just makes it all the more difficult and frustrating.

This morning I managed to slip and fall and hurt my knee very early in the morning in Geelong. It happened almost exactly the same way as almost 2 years ago when I broke my kneecap. Tonight it's very painful, very red and very swollen. I'm crossing everything there isn't any real damage done, as I couldn't bare to go through all that again. Julie and I of course went on the Melbourne Shopping bus trip with the Otway Hinterland Events girls. Aside from being in considerable discomfort all day thanks to the throbbing knee it was an interesting trip, lots of laughs and some good shopping. The down side was feeling like crap, and poor Sue having her wallet snatched from her hands by some scumbag who needed a hit or something. Pity the hit wasn't a nearby passing car. It was a long day. Left at 6:15 a.m. and didn't get back into Colac until after 10:00 p.m.

Almost midnight - time for an attempt at some sleep I think...


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