Love and all that....

Love is such an incredible thing. And being "In" love is such an incredible experience. It doesn't matter how old you are, I think it affects you the same no matter if you are 16 or 46. That would be my experience anyway.

But I guess the whole concept of being "in love" varies so much from individual to individual. I think over the past 10 years I have come to understand that it means so many different things to people. I've come to the conclusion that the key to success in a relationship is finding that person to whom the value of relationships and the very nature of why they exist means the same them as it does to you. And as much as that might sound like a bit of a "duh" comment, I am struck by the fact that so often we are blinded by what we see and forget what we need.

When you suddenly find your needs are being met, it really hits you just how much you've been missing over the years. I know that so many of the needs I have had over the years have been completely ignored by those I have shared my life with. I know that my interests and personal goals, while sometimes briefly acknowledged, have not been encouraged, praised nor supported in an ongoing positive way. More often than not, I believe my efforts have been in many ways sabbotaged and that lack of moral support (or worse - criticism and judgement) tends to lead to a lack of confidence in the ability to reach for that interest or goal. In my last relationship I know that wherever possible every moment of joy would get sucked out of anything that gave me pleasure, to a point where I simply no longer wanted to continue with it - no matter what it was. So at this point in my life when those needs are being met again, I feel a real sense of something related to anger for the loss of all that enjoyment from the past.

To me, having a partner in life is about encouragement, support, enjoying life, being positive, striving to improve, sharing, giving and taking, being fair, trusting and honouring. I'm not sure that was in any particular order, just as it came to me, but certainly that's some of the more important things to me. There are probably lots more too, but for me they form the foundation. But being there for one another, is just the most important thing. Good or Bad - just being there. Everyone needs to know they are cared about and sometimes it's just the most simple things that give evidence that that exists......