Friday, September 28, 2007

Hindsight Perspective & Experience

Personally I think we should all be born with a built in set of these three things. It would save so much of the crap you go through in life. Even a simulated set of them would work. Some benchmark. Something to either aspire to or give you the nudge when things aren't up to scratch. Instead we learn from our experiences, fumble through life, gain perspective with each and every day, each and every encounter, and learn when it's too late that in hindsight what you thought was one thing was actually another. We are happy with something until we are shown that things could be better, that there are brighter, shinier things in life. It's only then you see how things really are, with what you have or have had.

Looking back I don't think I've had too many really bright shiney things in my life but then again I don't think I've had such a bad life really either. I do know I have a very bright shiney daughter. My dogs have given me many bright shiney moments over the years. My parents have been loving and supportive, maybe they are not bright shiney things, but none the less I have been very fortunate to have their 100% backing throughout my entire life. I have some wonderful bright shiney friends who I love dearly. Some of them I haven't even met in real life. And yet even though I am happy with the person I have become and for the larger part I am happy with the life I have - there is such a huge part of my life remains unfulfilled.

I am trying to be patient. I am trying to draw on all that perspective and experience I have. I am drawn to that saying "If you want different - do different". I am doing a lot of different in my life now. The odd thing is that it's actually not so much different as just me being the me I'm allowed to be these days, without any judgement or ridicule or influence, just me being me and being accepted for that. And this is where the hindsight thing comes in, - what's strange about it is that just being me comes so much easier than trying to be what someone else wants or insists that I be. I have no doubt things would have been much better, at least for me, in the past if I had had the courage to do that before, instead of allowing myself to be molded. Personal power is an amazing thing. I feel a freedom I've never experienced before and I hope with that new strength and vision for how good the future can be I will be able to fulfill those last remaining parts of my life that need attention.

Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks!

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