Friday, September 07, 2007

This week in review...

It seems as though I am constantly trying to catch up with this blog these days. I just wish I had more time to devote to putting my thoughts down. I feel like I miss so much doing it this way and at a time when I am experiencing so many changes.

I guess one of the most frustrating parts of the week would have to be dealing with the system that is Centrelink. As much as I am grateful for the incredible support that has been afforded me through Centrelink and much to the credit of an amazing lady Jamie who has been handling the majority of my case. I have to say that the whole thing is structured in such a way that it's no wonder people cheat the system so often. In so many of the areas and rules and regulations - common sense plays no part in it. As much as I feel I have been "effective" for the past 9 months, I know that I would not have coped in a normal 9-5 job having to face the public and work collegues on a day to day basis. For this reason the station has been an incredible asset to my recovery process in that I have been able to regulate my contact with people based on my "mood du jour". What happens from here on will be interesting to say the least.

Then there were the private emails and comments to the blog. While I have been asked many times if I was going to change my name over the past 9 months - I have to say that to me it's just a name. And while I understand the need to distance oneself from certain things, it is afterall just a name. I am still the same person I always was and the fact that I took on this man's name in marriage makes me no more like him than any of you reading this blog. I have no wish to remain "connected" to him, but then the inconvenience of having to change everything from your bank accounts, licence and personal accounts to the business card and name you have spent time promoting to people in business circles really amounts to a lot of effort and inconvenience for what? He's no longer here and I keep coming back to the fact that - it's just a name. So no I probably won't change it. Besides which what would I go to? Maiden name? I haven't been that for some 20 odd years now, it would be as foreign to most people as if I changed it to Smith.....

But I was incredibly touched and uplifted in particular by a couple of emails from people who I admire in quite different fields and I thank you for taking the time to say such incredibly moving things. You have no idea how at that particular time it was just the positive thing I needed to hear.

Last night was also a somewhat special moment. A visit from Paul was both concerning and very special all at the same time. You have a gift my young friend that you need to explore. Guitar in hand, I had the pleasure of listening to several hours of a really lovely voice. I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. I think you may be hearing a little more about this over the next few weeks hopefully. I hope you got more sleep than I did in the end. I did discover one thing last night - I'm too old to survive on 2 hours sleep!

And finally to Shane who is no doubt feeling some considerable discomfort tonight after a long trip but hopefully now has a much more reliable means of transport and I can't tell you what a relief it is to know he's not going to be driving that loan vehicle he's had these past weeks. As much as I understand the need for independence as well as anyone - this particular vehicle has seen me in a constant state of worry for his safety the entire time. And after the week we've had of decisions, discussions and focus for the future - I raise my glass and say "Here's to tomorrow my dearest friend - whatever that may bring....." Today was the first day of the rest of our lives - lets make the most of it.

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