Saturday, August 18, 2007

What lies ahead....

In an effort to make the most of tonight, I thought I would try to get a bit more sleep in this morning. Alas to no avail. Instead I spent most of the time lying there pondering all sorts of things. Restfully pondering, but pondering none the less.

I was thinking mostly about a girlfriend of many years who is going through some serious relationship issues after a long marriage which could best be described as unfulfilling. I saw so many similarities between her feelings and my own at so many times throughout my life. Mostly that fear of the unknown, the fear of being unable to cope without the partner you have, the fear of what the future holds, the fear of whether letting go is the best thing to do. Sometimes no matter how bad the situation is (and believe me I did it in my last relationship), those familiar feelings are often the thing that hold us to a situation, and even though the future could be bigger, brighter, happier out of that relationship, that fear and lack of confidence in ourselves holds us to the known rather than allowing us to explore the future in a different way. Sometimes we would rather suffer the known than fail at the unknown. And when you think about it - that's pretty stupid to suffer without even trying to make a better life for yourself.

My friend is waiting for her partner to make the decision. Even though the waiting is causing immense distress for her. She is spending time worrying about how she will cope personally and financially, even though she is very capable, physically able to earn money and has friends who care a great deal about her. As I said to her the other day, you are waiting for him to decide for you, what happens to the rest of your life! And in my opinion, every day spent in misery, is a day less you have for the rest of your life to spend in a happy place. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. You can't change anything about the past. You've done what you can, the things you did were what you wanted at the time, and made the decisions in your life that have led you to where you are RIGHT NOW. All that is important is the decisions you make from right now as to where your life goes from here.

Life is short. Some of us are reminded of that more often than others I guess. As one who has had a near death experience, I suppose I appreciate a little more than some just how fragile life can be. In the blink of an eye, your world can be turned upside down - and what if you just existed and never really lived. That is probably why I believe in living for the future and not in the past.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Girlfriend?

1:24 pm  
Blogger Merriyank said...

Yes anonymous - girlfriend. Someone I've known for almost 30 years. You had someone else in mind?

1:48 pm  

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