Sunday, January 28, 2007

Long Weekend

Took the long 2.5 hour drive today to attend the Cranbourne Dog Club show, not to show a dog just for a 10 minute meeting for the American Cocker Spaniel Club........ You have to ask the sanity question really. We spent more time there than I had anticipated. Talk about mixed feelings. On one hand I feel like I would like to go to a few shows, but on the other hand I must admit I was a bit bored with the whole thing and the prospect of having to cart all that gear and sit in the rain with dogs - well just thinking about it was enough to turn me off.

Mind you, Lakeisha would like to get back in the showring since she was enjoying it and I'm feeling not just a little guilty for not allowing her to indulge in that enjoyment just because of how it makes me feel. She deserves the opportunity to do her thing, and she was having fun while we were going. And I have to admit that those weekends we spent together going off to the dog shows were such great quality time together. I guess though several factors have changed - not the least of which are Money and the Dynamics of Home since it would absolutely leave mum to tend to all the dogs on her own with no one here to help and that doesn't sit well with me either. And while she has been trying to encourage me to get back into showing...... I know that it's going to wear thin with the responsibilities it will place on her and the extra work.

It was so great to catch up with Anne O'Keefe for a chat though. I haven't seen her since September and as I said to her, there are SOME dog people I miss terribly. You are definitely one of them darl. And it was also good to chat with Liz. Hang in there - we both deserve so much more in our lives!

On our return given it was a little later than anticipated I took Lakeisha to Cafe Nu Deli for dinner. It suddenly hit me with an overwhelming surge of memories that honestly I just wanted to bolt for the car and come home. Here was the place Murray and I had got married - I found myself picturing us walking through the door, the place we stood throughout the ceremony, the "wedding table" by the window and cutting the cake........... I even found myself recalling all the Friday night meals we had there almost every week from the time we started going out..........

Last night was another bad night of tears and an overwhelming sense of not coping with the money situation. You would think after a month this thing would be getting less difficult to face but I think all I'm succeeding in doing is just suppressing it all which isn't really dealing with it and it makes it far too easy for it to surface when I'm least expecting it. But if someone can tell me where the off switch is - I would be most grateful.

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