Friday, December 29, 2006

Worst Christmas Gift ever...

Well I might as well fill you in on my Christmas..... just a continuation of the saga of my life lately I think. Lets just say that 2006 is not likely to make the top ten in my list of good years.

As you already know, Murray left for Perth on December 13th to go work in the mines. His plan was (so he says) mainly to try to quickly work off a lot of the debts he had. When we first got together he had kept hidden from me many thousands of dollars of debt owing from his past saying he had been too embarrassed to admit it to me. Given he's a very proud person, I accepted this explanation, but not without trying to make him understand that not dealing with it doesn't make it go away.

Given he has a few personal issues he needs to deal with both from his childhood and his adult life, he was going to seek out a decent counsellor and do a lot of work on himself. The plan was also to come home 3 or 4 times at least during the year to spend a week with his family but the ultimate aim of the exercise was (so I was told) to get everything back on track so that we could really make a go of life and our marriage when he got home.

I've been missing him so badly and those of you who have spoken with me privately, looked at the LO's I've scrapped of him, and/or read my blog, I think understand that this man has been the Great Love of my life. I know him so well, I understand him so well, I have grown so much personally in this relationship and have learned so much more tolerance and patience and honestly the true meaning of unconditional love.

However knowing him so well, there have been alarm bells ringing now for some weeks, and on a whim on Christmas Eve I went out and bought a pre-paid sim card for my phone, put it in, and sent him a text message pretending to be a woman with whom he had had I guess you would call it a relationship over the phone a number of years ago but I knew he would not recognise it was the wrong number for her as he no longer has her number. I said in the message that I had just been wondering how he had been all this time, and wished him a Merry Christmas.

On Christmas Night I checked the phone and there were 3 missed calls from a mobile number that I did not recognise, but since I was looking for Murray's number and a text message, I didn't really understand what I was seeing.

On Boxing Day Lakeisha and I decided to go to Geelong to attend the sales, and while standing in a very busy JB Hi Fi store, I decided while I was waiting for her to slip the sim card in to see if a message had been received. Yet another missed call from this same mobile number, so curiosity being as it were, I dialled it. Guess who answered?

In a panic I disguised my voice and pleaded that I had a dose of the flu. Asked him how he was. "Bloody Great - I'm living in Perth, working in the mines about 4-5 hours north east of Perth driving trucks. Loving it, and having a ball living it up. How are things with you?"

"Oh I've been better" I said and then said "So your whole family relocated to Perth then?"

"No" he says "I'm living in Perth and they are still in Victoria".

"So does that mean you and your wife have split up then?" I asked

"YEP" came a cheery reply.

Despite the fact that there were literally hundreds of people milling around the store - I took a deep breath and SCREAMED into the phone "THIS IS YOUR WIFE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE" and hung up. I was shaking so much I could barely hold the phone. I left the store and tried to call the number back four times - no answer and on the 4th call the phone had been turned off.

So I swapped the sim card for my own and dialled his regular number. This cheery voice answers "Gidday There - How are you?" So I asked for an explanation to the phone conversation and can you believe it - he tried to deny it was him...............

Anyway to cut a very long and painful story short(er) - I guess you could say we've separated.... and he's gone on his merry way owing my parents $100,000 for money they loaned him to pay debts he had accumulated prior to us getting together, a Tax Office bill which will probably be around $30,000 from his previous business (I was left the mess to try to clean up and submit BAS statements to the ATO that had never been done to try to minimise the debt with them - no help from him and nothing to do with me.....) not to mention some money that we will be short owing to the vehicle accident in the business we just closed down PLUS at least $15,000 worth of debt in New Zealand (that I know about) that caught up with him last year after he had just walked away and left it back in 1999......

I just can not believe this man has done what he has done. He actually told me on the phone that he had thought about suggesting we take a break on our relationship while he was in Perth because it - wait for it - wasn't fair on me to be waiting for him to come home. I told him yesterday that was just a crock of shit - it was just a way that he could do whatever he wanted and not have to be blamed or feel guilty about it - it had absolutely nothing to do with my feelings at all.

To say that I'm devastated wouldn't even go part way to describing what I am feeling. I don't understand how anyone can do what he's done to a family who has loved and cared and helped and supported him as much as this one has. Lakeisha considered him to be her father figure in her life and loved him. I know that he has NEVER had this kind of love and support in his life nor has he ever had a partner who has known him so well or supported him in the things he has wanted to do in his life the way that I have. We have a beautiful home, I certainly don't have tickets on myself but I think I scrub up pretty well for 45, we have an incredibly positive future despite the financial situation thanks to no mortgage, and yet when things got a little tough and weren't to his liking - he bailed on me....

I hope he one day wakes up and realises just what he's lost. I have no doubt he will continue this cycle - and as I said to him on the phone yesterday - see - even calling this woman - you were prepared to start YET ANOTHER relationship based on lies..... You need Help Murray. As much as he has hurt me and as much as it's going to take a very long time for me to heal from this - I am afraid for where his life will end up and I hope he does get the help he needs before he completely destroys his life - or that of another unsuspecting woman.

So yup I've had a great Christmas........

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