Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Thinking at night..

It's something else he and I share.... Sometimes it's a good thing, other times it's not. It carries you to so many places. It takes you soaring at great heights but it can also lead you into dark spaces. It can be triggered by memories of the past or dreams for the future. It can be your worst waking nightmares or your most coveted special hopes. The thing is - for me at least - regardless of whether the thinking is good or bad - the thinking at night is emotionally intense, far more intense than anything experienced during the day. Perhaps it's the darkness, and a feeling of being alone, even at times when you are not. Sometimes I just know the thinking in the dark brings with it a clarity that daylight clouds. Sometimes I just know things in the dark. It's facing them in the harsh reality of the day that's difficult.

And so came this piece of music you listen to now (or that you can listen to here) called "The Uncertainty Of Thinking At Night." I have so many favourite piano pieces right now, each of them evokes emotion as I am sure they do for their amazing creator. And I keep thinking how this incredible talent deserves so much to be heard and appreciated by the masses. And I keep thinking how lucky I am to have the amazing support and love of this man.

There are times when life seems so fragile. I know it is always fragile, but sometimes we don't think about it at all. You can't spend all your time worrying about the what-if's. You live your life each day the best you can and make the most of the time you have. At least that is what I'm trying to do. But sometimes you are reminded how temporary life is. It's when people you care about become ill or pass away that you are reminded of just how fragile life is and the saddness and pain of losing the ones you love. Right now I'm thinking about two people in hospital, both with cancer, and one who passed away recently, all of whom I've known all of my life. I'm sad for them. I'm sad (and a little afraid) for those they'll leave behind. Perhaps it's because I've known them all for so long, and although I've not seen any of them every day of my life, it's a strange feeling of a loss or pending loss of something that has just always been there. It's like losing grip of the constants in life. Somehow making it less secure, less stable.

Hug those you love and never miss the opportunity to tell them. I was once told saying "I love you" should only be kept for those intense special moments. I don't know about that. I think if you feel it, you should say it. If I say it too often, it just means I love you a lot every moment of the day and night - not that it's something to say in the absence of other words. You may have noticed that expressing my thoughts has never been a difficulty. Perhaps containing my feelings may have been......

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