Sunday, December 28, 2008

Shame Shame Shame

If Derryn Hinch were here I'm sure I would be getting the old "Shame" speech. And I do feel guilty! The poor old blog is a bit like an untended garden. I can even see the weeds poking up. Yes I'm ashamed. What was once a very dear and trusted friend which helped me get through some seriously tough times in my life has been neglected terribly. I hate neglecting things that are important to me. I seriously need to make a much better effort.

There has been so much happening too. It's not as though nothing has been happening in my life. I just seem to have so much less time these days to spend doing many of the things I enjoy. That in itself is a serious shame. I don't recall exactly when I last scrapbooked anything, I rarely bake anything these days, I can't remember the last time we had a dinner party at home, I fell asleep reading a book last night after only reading a very small amount, and the time spent doing other things I find enjoyable seems to be few and far between.

But that said, I am certainly not unhappy. In fact to the contrary I would have to say I have never felt more fulfilled or content in my life. This relationship is everything I have ever dreamed of and more. There is a sense of being not only complete but also an incredible freedom and sense of self. A partnership, the like I have never experienced. A closeness and bonding that is not only comforting but which evokes confidence in it's support. And an incredible sense of "oneness" without a hint of ownership. I couldn't have asked for a better relationship.

Well Christmas has come and gone. I have to say it was one of the happiest Christmas's I can recall. It wasn't particularly spectacular for any specific reason, it was just refreshing, full of love, and pleasant. I was very well looked after in the gift department, and really enjoyed watching Shane and Lakeisha open their gifts particularly. The look on Shane's face when he opened the gift I had made for him made the work worthwhile. Given now he's seen it, I can safely post the pictures here. I was so pleased with how this came up. It looks, I think, much better "in the flesh" as it were but the photos give you some idea.

Given there have been so many changes in Shane's life over the past 4 months, Christmas was of course going to be yet another major event that would be quite different. I was so concious of making sure he enjoyed the experience, perhaps a bit too concious. But then I always have been a bit of a worrier. I need not have worried as he was determined himself to enjoy the festive season. I must admit I was a little concerned when it looked for a while that a real tree could not be found, but finally he managed to locate a seller in Geelong. After looking through an old suitcase of decorations, we culled much of what it contained, raided my rather large stash, and this is what we came up with. It looked superb at night with the lights on.

Sadly I remembered as the gifts were being removed from under our own tree on Christmas morning, I hadn't taken a photo. I did make a mental note for next year - just red and green wrapping paper, this year I went for red, green and gold. It looked good, but I think just red and green next year.

Unfortunately I didn't get as many Christmas Cards done as I had hoped. Time just seemed to evade me this year completely. One moment I had more than a month before December started and the next minute it was almost Christmas and I have no idea where the time went in between. And as much as I've said it before, I really will make an effort to be more organised for next year. I think there have been so many things that have had the enjoyment taken from them over recent years, Christmas was most certainly one of them. I always was a bit of a Christmas Junkie and yet the past couple of years I've felt a bit blah about the whole concept. Time to change. Time to take back the joy for all things.

The past few months have not been without their trials though too. As much as we have come to expect some "residue" from the past, even I have been a little taken back at some of the tactics that have been employed. Predominantly it's been a whole bunch of misguided desperation and while I don't remain completely untouched by the emotion of the experience, I am reminded constantly that we all choose the paths we take, we are all responsible for our part in any scenario and to live with one's head in the sand is the perfect recipe for failure. If nothing else it has renewed and strengthened my faith, love and support of this incredible man I love and has shown me yet again the importance of open and honest communication.

I am so much looking forward to getting to know Shane's family better. I have never been one to dwell much on the things I don't have, I've always preferred to be grateful for the things I do have. But if there is anything I have wished for, it's family ties. And while I know my own immediate family has always been close despite our moments.... I have always had a sense of desire for a wider family closeness. I've often joked that being an only child is a family tradition - given Mum, myself and Lakeisha are all under that umbrella. I often wonder how nice it would be to have that extended family especially at times like Christmas.

In the meantime we've also had Graduation from High School, a credible Enter Score to get the desired Uni placement, a wonderful month of work with the Shire that has truly given me a sense of belonging I've probably not experienced in most jobs I've worked, a really fun Allforks Christmas party at the Melbourne Aquarium with Marty Fields hosting (lots of laughs and another memorable night in Melbourne), Christmas Eve and a bit of a family outing to see the Wise Gents, not to mention a whole bunch of goals, hopes and dreams to aim for in 2009. And so I will leave you with a few pictorial memories of the past few weeks....... along with a great desire to actually scrap a few of them!

My boss Neil - a sense of humour with his roof leak!

My office - in Xmas Mode....

Shane collecting his award at the Xmas Breakup.

I'm sure you can imagine our nickname for this fish!

This guy never stopped swimming the tank all night.

The Wise Gents at The Sports Bar - Xmas Eve

More Xmas Eve pics - the Family outing


Blogger Melissa said...

Shame on you alright...shame shame shame....I have been coming in here for the last three weeks and update.I mean, what is wrong with this .This woman who would be updating every couple of it is weeks on end....LMAO....It is good that you are content and very very HAPPY Maree.Don't feel bad for not blogging HUn, you are living life, which is what you would blog about remember.But yeah, it is still nice to catch up on photos and see what you ahve all been up to.Just don't leave it for weeks next time LOL

11:45 am  
Blogger Rosemary said...

Happy New Year Maree to one and all- Ditto to Mels comments, and although I don't have all the stuff you are doing in my life - I seem to struggle posting regularly too!!!!!! AND in the scrapping department - I am just starting to get in the swing.

10:59 am  
Blogger Leah said...

Great to see you back on track again :) Loved checking out your piccies and reading your HUGE update... I must admit, I've been a naughty blogger too... busy times... Great to hear how well you're doing though. Can't wait for our next catch up Pretzel :)

Wishing you a super new year!

9:35 pm  

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